Last week we were in Florida and for whatever reason, I keep noticing babies everywhere I went. At the airport. At the pool. In strollers. And so on. And then I'd get teary. And feel all emotional. And then I find myself longing for and reminising about those days. I find myself wanting to go up to these Mom's that I have never met and tell them to treasure the season they are in. I wanted to say, "I know it's hard and it's exhausting. I know you get hardly any sleep and your hair is in a pony tail. But to me, you are the picture of beauty. I wish I was in your shoes". I never thought I would say this - but I miss those days. A lot. Everyone told me those years would go by fast, but I didn't believe them.
I'm one of those people who loved the infant stage. I mean, I know it was hard and all that. But I loved pregnancy and breastfeeding and felt a peace like I had never known before when my girls were babies. A sense of simplicity, of quietness, of slowing down and contentment. I loved the co-sleeping and hated being away from my baby girls. I know, sounds crazy - but I felt like I was born for it. In some ways, being the oldest of 5 kids - it came to me naturally. One of the main reasons that I spaced my girls out as much as I did is because I loved the baby stage. I wanted to make it last as long as possible.
Last week I realized that I am definitely out of that stage. No more strollers. Or diapers. Or baby food. No more diaper bags. Or jolly jumpers. * Sigh*
I've been in denial - but last week it hit me. I am in a new season. When I see pregnant women and Mom's with babies and toddlers - I am not them. In fact, I have less and less in common with them. I am now a Mom with a soon to be school aged girl and two tweens. Two of my three girls can go to public restrooms by themselves and our dinner time conversations revolve around Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana and Shake it up. Yikes! Wasn't it just yesterday that I was with pregnant with these girls?
I guess I am grieving that loss. And at the same time, embracing my new reality.
As much as I miss and even long for at times those early years with my girls, I am choosing to fully embrace this new season God has for me with both hands. It doesn't come to me as naturally and clearly, I am in over my head. I am daily humbled and dependant on God. Wanting to be fully engaged. I know that my girls need me just as much now, maybe even more than ever.
