Year of kindness.

Back in January, I decided and declared on behalf of my family that 2015 would be the year of kindness.

Our house is full of girls and two of them are teenagers. Need I say more? We all remember what teen girls are like, right? Amazing and hormonal.  Girls don't fight in a way that boys do (not that I know this firsthand but it's what my friends tell me). Girls don't typically wrestle or punch. Their default (at least in my house) is to hurt with words. To be unkind.

We all know exactly what T-swift is talking about, right?

You, with your words like knives

And swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again

Got me feeling like a nothing

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard

Calling me out when I'm wounded

You, picking on the weaker man

Well you can take me down with just one single blow

But you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ole city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides

And your wildfire lies and your humiliation

You have pointed out my flaws again

As if I don't already see them

I walk with my head down

Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

I bet you got pushed around

Somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now

'Cause you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ole city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Meanness.

It destroys me to my core. Hits such a nerve with me. It's the one thing I was unprepared for in parenting. 

It drives me crazy on so many levels.

Maybe it's because it takes me back to teen years and I remember how mean girls can be. Mostly It's because I know that words have power. Words have the potential to hurt and destroy. To bring death essentially. AND words have the power to heal. To encourage. To breathe life and hope. Words can be ugly and words can be beautiful.

As an aside, words said in anger have the power to cause deep wounds. Wounds that last. 

I loved the part in the Bob Goff's book (Love Does), where he writes about how words can launch people. Isn't that such a beautiful image?

I think about the times that a text, phone call or an email from a friend has launched me.

I want to be the kind of person who launches others. 

What gets rewarded gets repeated and these days I'm on the lookout for kindness and making a point to reward it and affirm it in the girls I'm raising.

I just love how kindness has a way of creating a culture of safety.

This past year in grade 2, Beth had the most amazing teacher. Honestly, I just love her grade 2 teacher, Sarah. Sarah's teaching style is one of kindness and respect. I noticed when visiting her classroom that she doesn't speak over her kids. She waits for them and they have her full attention. It's no surprise that her students adore her and love learning in the environment that she creates. It's interesting too that there is so much independence and creativity flourishing in her classroom. Her kind style of teaching spills over and multiplies as the kids write notes of encouragement to one another. Her classroom guidelines contain things like: understanding that everyone makes mistakes, standing up for ourselves and others, listening carefully, and so much more.

I adore the Ephesians 4:29 idea of reclaiming out words, cheering each other on, building each other up and making people who listen the beneficiaries of our words.

I am for you.

I hope for you.

I believe in you.

I am in your corner.

Words can be the greatest gift we give one another. Doesn't every other kind of gift eventually fade or break?

I'll never forget a high school teacher, Mrs. Fowler, pulling me aside and telling me that she saw potential in me. She told me that she believed in me and that I wasn't to sell myself short. Those words launched me.

My friend Ellen says that words nourish our souls in the same way that bread nourishes our physical bodies.  Words placed carefully in an ear nourish the recipient. We can cheer one another on with our words.

I remember hearing Andy Stanley once say that you can win the fight/argument but lose the relationship. 

 When teen girls are unkind, it's really more about what s going on inside of them, isn't it? You know -  the inner struggle. I'm learning that it's less about the behaviour and more about the emotions and feelings behind the behaviour.

Doesn't it always go back to what's going on the inside?

Maybe it's not so different with me. With you.

We all want our world to be kind. We want people to be kind. We want to be kind toward others. 

I desperately want my girls to be kind toward one another and I'm learning that it begins with me. It begins with me choosing and showing radical kindness toward myself. Is it possible that that's where it needs to begin and flow from? Isn't that where it's the hardest?

I'm leaning into kindness toward myself today. Doesn't it seem at times like our default is to be hard on ourselves as women, compare ourselves to some unattainable standard and take care of everyone else before ourselves?

It's easy to talk about kindness in theory or kindness toward others. Kindness toward ourselves is another thing all together.

And it's a choice. 

What would it look like to show kindness and compassion toward yourself this month? This year? Today?

It looks different for all of us and for me it looks like:

Getting enough sleep.

Making time to exercise.

Asking for what I need and not apologizing for my needs.
Starting my day on the right note.
Knowing what breathes life into me and doing more of it.
Monitoring my self talk, my inner dialogue -silencing my inner critic.
Allowing my life to be ruled by love and not fear (fear is a liar anyway).

It's been the year of kindness and this summer is the summer of kindness. 

This summer, my Monday afternoon girls group has challenged me, together with Steve and the girls create a family rule of life, a mission statement/manifesto of sorts.

It's in the works and you can be sure that kindness will be a big part of it :)