Jumping in Puddles

I went for a hike last week with Beth and was struck by the fact that my girl couldn't avoid a puddle for the life of her.  It was as if those pink boots of hers were drawn like a magnet to every puddle in her path.  Even the small ones.

I loved watching her.  I was in awe.

It made me long for a childlike spirit of adventure.  I wanted to recapture the five year old in me.

Ever felt that way?

I couldn't help but think that as I get older, I go out of my way to avoid puddles.  I go out of my way to avoid mess.  In the process, I miss out on adventure.  I miss out on the freedom of living in the moment.  The joy of fully embracing life.

It's no secret that these days that I am missing my girl tons.  She's at school full days now.  I never expected to feel like this.  No one is more surpirsed than I am.  The truth is I'm kind of lost without her around.

There's a part of me that doesn't want Beth to grow up.  I guess maybe I just don't want her to stop jumping in puddles.

I hope along that way that I can learn from her.  Learn more of what it means to fully embrace life and find joy in the simplist of pleasures.

Only God.

This evening, Steve and I are leading an 8 week marriage study in our home in the form of a "life group" through our local church.

As I've been thinking about and preparing for this evening, lots has been filling my mind and heart.  Excitement.  Fear.  Inadequacy.  Anticipation.  Hope.

I'm in a place today where I am so in love with Steve.

I've also been married long enough to know that these kind of feelings can change in the course of a day.  Literally.

I know that marriage and love and commitment has nothing to do with feelings, but let's face it - it's great when they are there.  Today they are and my heart is full.  I hope God gives me 60 more years with him.  I'm crazy about him right now.

Last night, Steve and I attended a reunion/celebration of a ministry called Youth Eventz that I was a part of in my teens and twenties.  This ministry played a huge role in shaping who I am today and was without question the catalyst that God used to draw me into a relationship with Him.  I am forever grateful for this ministry.  For  the life change, leadership opportunities and friendships that came out of such an era.  Truly beautiful gifts.  Last night was a chance to celebrate all of that and give God all of the glory.

I've never gone to a high school reunion and so this would have been the closest big reunion type event that I attended.  Along with that comes lots of awkward conversations where you are catching people up on the last 10-20 years of your life in a matter of minutes.

Driving home, I was overwhelmed with God's goodness and faithfulness on a number of levels.  I couldn't help but think of Steve and I and what a miracle our marriage is.  Our road started out so rocky.  We came from such different worlds.  Our strong personalities clashed constantly in the early days.

As we chatted with old friends last night, the question came up, "how long have you been married?" and "how old are your kids?" and so on.  It occurred to me afresh that we can't take the credit for anything.  It's not like we can say that we did something outstanding to stay together and be in a place of deep connection today.  Nope.  Not even close.  It goes something like this:  Only God.  In our twenties, we were a mess.  It didn't take us long in our married lives to learn that if we were going to make it and thrive (not just survive), we had better surround ourselves with some great friends.  That was a huge prayer for us in the early days of our marriage and wow, did God ever deliver.  More than that, we came to the realization that without God at the center of our relationship and soon to be family, we were destined for trouble.  We hung on to Jesus with everything we had and we still do.  He was and continues to be our only hope.

Driving home last night, I was overcome with the abundance of his faithfulness.  Only God.

As I spend this afternoon preparing for tonight's life group, the irony is not lost on me.  I am thankful for and challenged by the gift of marriage.  I am in awe of God's faithfulness.  I am excited about learning and growing and laughing and maybe even crying with new friends around my living room in  the next 8 weeks.  I'm excited about what Only God can do when we give Him the chance.  I want to keep on giving Him the chance...

October Links

Welcome to October.  Turns out I like fall way more than I remembered!

It's been ages since I've blogged, and I really have no excuse other than the fact that this fall has been all about me adjusting to and embracing a new reality.  More on that to come....still processing:)

Here are a few of my faves as of late:

Vision Night - This is one of many, many reasons why I love my local church.  Total high point of this fall.  Unforgettable.

This quote from this post pretty much sums up why I chose to blog in the first place:  "there will always be enough beauty, enough hope, enough good, if we decide to be people who are always on the lookout for it.  I want to use my voice to bring light and hope and beauty.  I want to search for what’s good, and shout about that."  Shauna Niequist

Something about this blog post made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Maybe it was this quote:  "But mostly, home is...Feeling loved not despite my vulnerabilities and imperfection but because of them.  Always knowing there’s a place where I belong. No matter what. Never needing to shrink or play small when I’m proud of an accomplishment and never needing to puff up when I’m struggling."  Brene Brown

Out of my desire and prayer to use my time and energy well, I am going to give this a try.

I can't wait to read this book.  It's been ordered.  I even talked some friends into reading it with me :)

Lastly, this week I've been watching bits and pieces of the documentary on PBS entitled, Half the Sky.  Hard to put into words.  Gripping.  Devastating.  Empowering.  Inspiring.  It's a must watch.  Especially if you are a girl.  Or have daughters.  Or if you know a girl.  You'll also want to check out www.halftheskymovement.org.  I can't stop thinking about what I'm learning.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving!