Shine.

Have you ever noticed that as women, we sometimes feel the need to play small?

What's with that?

At times, it shouts out in the way that we speak, the dreams and hopes we repress, it can even come across in how we dress.  It's almost as if we fear drawing attention to ourselves and thus we play small?

Maybe it's just me but why is it that I downplay my achievements and the second someone compliments me about anything, I brush it off.  "Oh it's no big deal" or I conveniently change the topic.  Even when someone compliments me on something as simple as my hair my response can be, " really?  I haven't washed it for days" or "it only took me like two minutes to do this" or on an article of clothing, "oh, this old thing? - I bought it on sale for like $6.99."  Why is it so hard for us to say thank you.  What is it I that you and I are afraid of?

Maybe men feel this too, but from what I hear women struggle with it in a much deeper way.

For most of my life I think I have played small.  Some of my role models did too.  Growing up, it was the subtle cultural message I internalized.  The underlying cultural message I received was that it was not only expected of me but also esteemed.

Are we afraid that we are being proud if we receive a compliment?  Or arrogant if we shine a little?

Why does it seem like our default is so often toward insecurity and to compete with other women rather than to connect with them?  What would it look like, if we, as women stopped being so hard on ourselves and one another?  

Maybe you are reading this and have no idea what I am talking about.  If so, that's fantastic and you can stop reading.

But for the rest of us.....

Let's have this conversation...

In case it hasn't been obvious let me just declare that this is an area of holy discontent for me.  Bill
Hybels, lead pastor of Willow Creek Community Church and founder of the Global Leadership Summit speaks from time to time about this concept of holy discontent.  Basically you will know your area of HD because it is something that gets you really fired up and angry.  You may even see it in yourself and hate it.  You feel a sense of injustice about it. You begin recognizing that it doesn't have to be this way and you in turn channel your frustrated energy into doing something about it.  You become the change.

It's taken me a while to put my finger on it, but over the past 12 months it has become clear to me that this idea of women playing small is indeed my area of holy discontent.

This idea of over apologizing, fear of saying no, worrying about what others think of me, neglecting
self care, putting others first to a fault, repressing dreams, feelings and desires is all part of what it means to play small.  Playing small is rooted in fear.

This is a passionate topic for me because, I am a female and I am raising 3 females and I love and spend a lot of time with females and so on...

If we are really going to change the world and use our one and only lives to make a difference, maybe,
just maybe it's time we stopped playing small.  Let's cheer each other on to do great things for the Kingdom of God (simply put- bringing heaven to earth) and invest our energy into that - rather than into jealousy and competition and trying to appear humble.  Maybe if we realized what is at stake we would say enough. You and I have a role to play in the greater story God is writing.  Our voices, our strengths, our passions and abilities are needed.  This is not the time to play small.  Our lives matter.  Our voices matter.

I love this quote by Marianne Williamson:

 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Who's in?  I don't know about you, but I've had enough with playing small.  I've done it for way too long.  The stakes are high.  Really high.  There's too much good waiting to be done and young girls with their eyes on us.  It's time to shine.

 P.S. As I was in the midst of writing this blog post, I read a timely tweet on twitter by @lynnehybels: "Women are the greatest untapped resource in the world. We need to cheer each other on. We need to show up with the fullness of who we are." Yes!

Then, just as I was about to publish this post, I read this.  So affirming to the journey that I am already on.  I just had to share it:)

Moms are brave.

This past weekend I spent some time with my niece and nephew so that my sister and brother-in-law could have some much needed time alone.  It was so great and those little ones are beyond adorable (and hilarious too).  We had all hands on deck, which was fantastic.  A five to two ratio sure helps!

I couldn't help but realize that although our youngest us six, for the most part we are in a very different stage of parenting these days.  I had forgotten what it feels like to eat your dinner after everyone else had eaten and to have your shoulder covered in a mixture of slobber and tears.  I had forgotten how you have to constantly be on the lookout for danger - stairs, choking and so on.  I even found myself feeling unnatural as I was changing a diaper.  It's funny how you completely transition out of a parenting stage not even aware that you are doing so. One day you wake up and realize that all of your kids are independent and you're pretty much caught up on sleep.  Bizarre.

I was made freshly aware that parenting toddlers and babies is hard work!  Saturday night gave me a fresh reminder of just that.   It made me want to gather my friends who have little ones and hug them.  I wanted to tell them what a great job they are doing and rally around them.  I wanted to encourage them to take time for themselves and be especially kind to themselves, because they are doing hard work.

For those of us that don't have babies and toddlers, let's do just that- let's not just be spectators, let's come alongside moms with young ones.  Let's pray for them, encourage them and not judge their choices or roll our eyes when their kids throw a tantrum in the grocery store.  Those of us with older kids have been there (and in many ways still are).  Let's show them tenderness and support and cheer them on. They are so brave.

They're in the trenches -and your words, your note, your prayers, your visit, your offer to babysit or drop by with a coffee might just make all the difference.  It takes a village to raise children.  I know I'd be lost without my village, especially in those early years when I was sleep deprived, desperate for a shower and dying for five minutes to myself.  

Who can you be a support to today?  Who can you and I show some tenderness to?

A few things I'm loving these days...

A big part of the reason that I have chosen to blog is because of my commitment to intentionality.  I want to be intentional about many things and one things I want to be especially intentional about is looking for and celebrating beauty and goodness.  More and more I want to be on the lookout for that which is good and true and lovely and so on.

Along those lines (and somewhat random and fun), here are a few things I am absolutely loving on these frigidly COLD January days...

Punjammies.  Steve bought me a pair for my birthday and we bought Grace and Eva a pair for Christmas and we all love them.  Comfy.  Unique.  Amazing cause.  Love, love, love.  Can't say enough.

Coconut oil.  It's my new best friend.  Check out this post.  Can you say amazing?  Steve is tired of me talking about it!

Mid-rise skinny jeans.  Typically they carry them at Old Navy, but I found them at the Gap Outlet across the border for $19.99.  I had heard rave reviews about these and they are all true.  I'm not a big fan of jeans, but I gotta say these are so comfy, flattering and feel great.

Flannel sheets.  I bought a set at Target after Christmas and Steve and I can't believe we have been living without them.  Now we don't want to get out of bed in the morning.

My girls playing school, carving out time for art and playing Scattegories :)

Stay warm, friends!