On the lookout for beauty.

Earlier this year, I realized just how much I struggle with jealousy and comparison.  I know it's one of those things that we rarely talk about.  It's hard to admit.  It's messy and it feels yucky. At the same time, it consumes a lot of our energy and our thoughts - and it feels healthy and freeing to talk about it - to bring it into the light.  I have absolutely no data to back this up and no research to prove it, but I am a girl and I'm raising girls and I talk to lots of girls and I think it's something we all struggle with.  I'm pretty confident that I'm not alone in this.

Just before summer, I decided that in hopes of conquering such ways of thinking, relating and behaving - something in me needed to change.

The words that immediately came to mind were this - be on the lookout for beauty and celebrate it.

Without telling anyone, those nine words have been an underlying theme to my summer.

And without exaggerating, it's felt like a game-changer.

I'm finding that when I am constantly on the lookout for beauty, I find it.  It's funny how that works.  I find it in creation and in circumstances and most especially in people.  When I'm tempted to be jealous or to compare myself to someone, I'm starting (slowly) to make the conscious choice to celebrate them.  To celebrate their accomplishments or their relationships or their home or their children or their wardrobe or their appearance and so on.  And guess what - it feels so much better than the alternative.

I love what the Message has to say in Philippians 4:8.

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. 

Years ago, I heard it said at a conference, that when you admire and celebrate a quality in another person, it becomes a part of you.  Such a beautiful image.  I loved it then and I love it now.  That very notion is freeing me up, little by little, to become more generous with celebrating and complimenting others.

These days, I want to be more of a cheerleader to the people around me.

Also, did you know that to receive a compliment with a genuine thank you is one of the most humble things we can do?  It's also a way of blessing the person who had the courage to speak the compliment.

There you have it, friends - want to join me and be on the lookout for beauty and celebrate it?

Note to self about family vacations.

Dear Carrie,

By the time you are preparing and packing for your next family vacation, you will have forgotten all of these lessons and so here's what you need to remember (based on previous experience of course).

The week before a vacation is just as important as the vacation itself.

The more relaxed and unwound that you can go in to a holiday, the better.  If not, it will take you days to unwind and relax from all of the stress that the 48 hours leading up to a vacation caused you.  Remember to simplify your schedule the week before a vacation.  That's right - the 7 days leading up to.  The more white space on your calender the better.  Writing lists and doing laundry and packing always takes longer than you think it will.  Always.  Give yourself space and your family will thank you.  Be extra gracious with Steve and with yourself for that matter because it's totally normal to have friction and such leading up to a holiday.

The reality is that it takes work to set aside a chunk of time to create quality time with family and build memories.  Work, I tell you.  The week before your last camping trip was packed full with way too much.  Your underestimated the time you would need both mentally and physically to get ready for a vacation.  You were so frantic that you didn't have time to anticipate the holiday in front of you.  And here's a secret -the anticipation of a holiday is a gift.  It's almost as good and as important as the holiday itself.  The anticipation of a holiday can be so life giving.  Unfortunately you left packing to the last minute.  You were stressed and your kids paid the price.  There's nothing worse than having to apologize to your kiddies for being angry/frantic/stressed Mom and then realising it's going to take you 24 hours into the vacation to unwind and relax.  Yuck.  Remember that you set the tone for your family and your kids will pick up on your vibes.

Remember too that one of your daughters who I will not name gets a little, shall we say, intense, when a vacation or a trip is coming up.  Give her the space she needs to prepare and give her the best version of yourself.

So, next time learn from the past, kay?  It's one of your best teachers.  Maybe, just maybe, this is an example of what it means in Psalm 34 when you read about pursuing peace.  Peace is not always something that comes effortlessly, although it can.  Sometimes peace is something we fight for, because the relationships in your life are worth fighting for.  Maybe peace really is something we are to pursue.  What if pursuing peace became a greater value in your life?  What if it became part of your story to a greater extent?

So breathe deep.  Anticipate.  Simplify your schedule.  Go into a holiday well rested.  Set a positive tone for your family.  Give yourself and your family LOTS of space.  And grace.

When you're getting ready for a vacation it always feels like work, but remember it's always worth it.  Just envision the relaxed pace, the time to sleep in, star gaze and savour sunsets.  Remember how being near the water enlarges and even heals your soul.  Dream about your feet on a hot sandy beach and jumping waves in icy cold crystal clear water.  Anticipate the rich conversations and the hilarious ones too.  Imagine the taste of ice cream on a sweltering hot day and the hickory smell of late-night campfires that go on forever.  Picture yourself biking along the shore of Lake Huron with many of your favourite people:  fresh air, wind in your face, sun beating down on your back, deep green-blue waves crashing on the rocky shore.  Remember how vacations have a way of solidifying your family, making you feel fully alive, binding you together and how vacations bring out the best in everyone, even you.  It's worth it.  It always is and it deserves the time needed to gear up and prepare.

With affection,
Self.

Moms set the tone.

Know what I'm learning this summer in a fresh way?

I'm learning afresh that Moms set the tone for the whole family.

Summer for me is fantastic and intense at the same time.  It reminds me, in a way, of the pre-school years when I was with my girls 24/7.  It's easy, in seasons like this, to care for everyone else and forget about caring for myself and my needs.

I'm reminded that if I'm healthy (spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally), everything runs smoother and the family as a whole is healthier.  As soon as my self care declines and I am a mess, my whole family falls apart, or so it seems.

Practically it means that I need to make sure my "cup is full" - which of course looks and feels different for all of us.  For me it means carving out time.  Time for prayer.  Time for exercise.  Time with friends.  Time to read.  Time for rest and solitude.  When my cup is full, I am more centered, balanced, positive, encouraging, able to respond (rather than react) and assume the best of others in an overall kind of way.  I'm learning that this kind of self care goes a long, long way.   When I care for myself, I do my family a huge favour.  This is never more true than when it's summer holidays.

My learning this past month (and particularly this past week) is that I have a far more influential role in my family than I often realize.

Any other Moms find this to be true?  How do you keep your cup full while you are constantly giving to your kids?

Halfway through summer....

The August long weekend marks the halfway point.  It seems that just when we've gotten into a good groove of summer - just when we've figured out that balance between having enough structure and enough margin to relax and be lazy - it's halfway over!  All the more incentive to savour the month of August, right?

So far here's what we've been LOVING this summer:

Sibling Time.

Cousin time.

Grace has been perfecting her french braids on her sisters.

Beth is loving the fact that she can ride a two-wheeler (since May).

My Mom put together a spontaneous "high tea" to celebrate the arrival of the Royal Baby, George.  Lol

Staying Cool.

This CD.



• our neighbourhood pool.
• frozen yogurt ( better known as froyo to my girls).
• I'm trying to build into my girls a fresh love for reading this summer.  I'm calling it the "summer of reading."  Currently we're listening to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on CD.
• I joined a Pilate's class that is within walking distance to my house.  
• For her 6th birthday, Beth got her ears pierced and she is delighted.
• These brownies (thank you Leah for the recipe!).
• We love living in the fruit belt and are buying local fruit and vegetables whenever possible.  Today we picked a bag of 65 peaches and it cost us $5.00.  Amazing.
  
• I'm loving Shaklee energy tea this summer.  Gives me a much needed boost of natural energy mid-afternoon.
• Also, the Daily Docket  has been super helpful.  It's helped me to feel productive and focused, when it's easy in the summer months to feel anything but.

I'm looking forward to the Leadership Summit next week.  Total highlight of my summer.  Can you believe Brene Brown is speaking? :)

Happy August friends!  Soak it up:)

Brad Paisley. No biggie.

Around the time that I was pregnant with Grace, Steve and I simultaneously turned into country fans.  It was gradual to begin with and now it's pretty much all we listen to.

Earlier this year, I asked Steve if there was anyone artists he would ever want to see in concert.  Casually, like only he can, he said, "sure - maybe Brad Paisley".

I chalked down that information and when it came time to planning something for our anniversary, I talked him into concert tickets.  I bought us super cheap tickets in the front row of the 400's.  The outdoor concert was last Friday.  Warm summer night.  Vibrant purple and pink sky at sunset.  We were thrilled with our seats.  The atmosphere was hilarious, in the best possible way.  We felt a bit lost without a pick up truck, cowboy hat and boots - but whatever.

Halfway through Brad's (we're now on a first name basis) performance, we noticed a security guard walk by us with 2 guitars and put them on a little tiny stage by the sound booth, in front of us.  Steve wondered out loud if Brad was going to come and perform there.  I was like, "really, you think?"  A couple of minutes later, a microphone was put up.  By now, we're getting excited.  Next thing you know, he's walking in front of us heading up to the little stage.  I yelled for Steve to pass me his iPhone and before he could blink, I was off with every 19 year old girl in my section.  He sang 3 songs.  I videotaped 2 of them.  The beginning of the video is a bit shaky (honestly, can you blame me!) but the rest is amazing!

When I was Fourteen.

This photo is from a few months ago - her braces are now OFF!)

(this photo is from last August)

My Dad, known to my girls (and my nieces and nephew) as Granda has a tendency to write spontaneous and quirky poems for certain occasions.  A few years back, I gave him a blank journal and my Mom tells me that he is filling it up with poems, stories, thoughts and such.  Warms my heart.

Yesterday was Grace's 14th birthday.  She is our oldest daughter and my parents oldest grandchild.  As my parents like to say, "we've loved her the longest".  My parents have a way of making all of us kids and grandkids feel like we're all their favourite.

In honour of her birthday, here's the poem (or "wee verse" as he would call it) that my dad, Dave Sr. wrote.

Try to envision him saying it in his thick Northern Irish accent :)

When I was fourteen

and somewhat shy,

off to the movies

my Gran and I.

Was quiet in the house,

something was wrong.

Ah yes, I remember.

At camp - Eva was gone.

All my friends,

nowhere to be seen.

In days to come,

they'll all make the scene.

July 15, 2013

Excuse the Mess.

Why blog?

Earlier this month, a friend asked me why it is that I blog?  It may have even been something along the lines of "what is the value in blogging?"

Really great question and it left me pondering.

I like questions that make me think hard.  The kind of questions that create more questions than answers.

Anyways, as I have thought and wrested about it - it became obvious.

The reason I blog is because I have to write.

I love to write.  Always have.

I like putting words together.

I need a creative outlet.

Even more specifically, I'm learning and realizing that I need to write.  It's part of the way God has wired me and part of living a wholehearted life, for me, means writing in some form.

I want to be a voice for love and goodness.

That's where blogging comes in.

So, as much it's fun for me to share thoughts and recipes and photos and so on with you, this journey actually has less to do with you and more to do with me.  It has more to do with me developing my unique voice and finding the courage, bit by bit, to put myself out there and write.  It's more about me strengthening some muscles that have grown weak and been put on the back burner for years.

Kind of uncomfortable.  But I feel alive and I like it.  It's helping me grow in vulnerability too.  Keeps me intentional about life in general.

Can anyone relate? Is there something creative in your life that you feel rising up in you?  Anyone ever felt this way about an area of art or creativity?  I'd love to hear!

June Links.

The month of June is a crazy.  Everything is wrapping up and Mom's like me are breathing deep and gearing up for summer holidays, which means having kids home 24/7.  Amazing and intense all at the same time.


My summer will hopefully consist of:

• embracing the mess, chaos and the noise of having 3 kids home.
• wearing a pony tail with my bangs pinned back for most of the summer - no time to blow dry hair.
• purchasing a membership to our local pool.
• not having to wrestle with my kids to make their school lunches :)
• lazy mornings.
• keeping fighting and whining to a minimum (hopefully!).
• being spontaneous.
• living in the moment.
• Mystery Wednesdays - new this summer (snatched idea from this post)

For the next two months, I likely will not have time to read much of anything on the Internet.  Instead, I have a stack of books that I hope to be reading here and there by the pool, beach and so on.

But here are a few things as of late that I have loved and appreciated online during the month of June:

This letter to young moms.  I loved this.  So true.

Change the Story.  Love the thought of telling a new story.

As an introvert, I resonated with this post by Donald Miller (this one's great too).

My creative sister explains how to make home made deodorant.  As someone who loves natural products, I so want to make this.  Or maybe I'll just see if I can talk her into making me some :)

I listened to this podcast on leadership as I was cleaning my house and thought it was great.

Lastly, this one by Jen Hatmaker.  Steve and I literally laughed out loud when we read it.

Enjoy and savour the last weeks of June.

C.

Press. Pause. Please.

This little girl turned 6 today.  That's right - six.

I can't even believe it.

It's hard to believe that up until six years ago, there were only four of us in this family.

Words scarcely express how much this wee girl has changed and blessed our family.  Honestly, there are not enough words.  She has made our lives richer and fuller (louder too!).  She has multiplied the drama in our home.  She has wrapped all of us around her little finger.  Her very existence has helped her big sisters, who were five-and-a-half and eight when she was born, hang on a little bit longer to their own childhoods as they live vicariously through her.  For goodness sake, her sisters run her birthday parties, help her with her homework, babysit her, plan her Hallowe'en costumes and play school with her.  At this very moment, Eva is making her birthday pancakes.  Really, the list is endless...

Today I am celebrating the past six years and desperately wanting to press pause on the next six.  How I wish I could make time slooooooow down.

Happy Birthday Beth!  We can't imagine our family without you!  You are so loved xoxo.

Rhubarb Crisp.

Admittedly, Steve and I are not the best gardeners and so last summer we (actually it was Steve and not at all me) radially simplified our backyard and made our vegetable and flower gardens smaller.  It was so liberating.  Such freedom for us!  The only thing we kept in our vegetable garden was rhubarb and raspberries - so now, it's essentially a fruit garden :)

Growing up, rhubarb was a staple in our home during the spring and summer months.  Our Mom managed to find a way to put rhubarb in every dessert, muffin and cake possible.  No joke.  I kept the rhubarb in my garden just as much for my parents as I did for me, as they "steal" some every time they come visit us in rhubarb season.

Along with a really simple rhubarb tart recipe, the other recipe I make with this tangy fruit is Rhubarb Crisp.  I cant even remember where I got the recipe, so have no way of giving credit where credit is due.  All I know is that I picked it up in a brochure from a fruit farm over a decade ago.  Technically it is called Blueberry Crisp, but you can put any fruit in it and it turns out amazing.  It's such an easy recipe and tastes heavenly.  100% comfort food.

This morning I picked some rhubarb, washed it, chopped it up and Beth and I made this:

Rhubarb Crisp
Filling:
1/2 cup of packed brown sugar
4 cups of fresh fruit
2 tbsp. cornstarch

Topping:
1/2 cup of all-purpose flour (I use gf all-purpose flour)
1/2 cup of uncooked oats
1/2 cup of packed brown sugar
1/3 cup butter

In a 9" baking pan, combine brown sugar and cornstarch.  Stir in fruit until coated.  For topping, combine flour, brown sugar and oats.  Cut in butter until crumbly.  Sprinkle over fruit.  Bake at 375F for about 30 minutes or until bubbling and golden.  Increase baking time to 45 minutes for frozen fruit.

Serve it warm with some vanilla ice cream and it's pure heaven.

ReBar Chocolate Cake.

 It was Steve's 40th Birthday this month.  I had so much fun planning his party and his request was for a chocolate cake.  I began frantically searching around looking for the best chocolate cake, when all of a sudden, out of the blue - it hit me.  My Mom makes the most amazing and seriously decadent chocolate cake.  She got the recipe from my sisters' book, called the Rebar Cookbook - named after a restaurant in Victoria, B.C.  Rebar is a super trendy and hip restaurant known for it's vegan and vegetarian menu.

Because I was prepared to pay for a cake, I called my Mom and asked her if maybe, just maybe I could hire her to bake me two of these divine cakes.  I'd be lost without that woman.  If you know my Mom, then you'll know that she didn't even hesitate to say yes, of course she wouldn't let me pay her and truth be told, she was honoured.

So, last night while the campfire was glowing - I served it to our friends - on that lovely, candlelit, western-themed, cool evening - with fresh raspberries on the side.  It was the biggest hit.

Here's the recipe.  It's honestly the best chocolate cake.

Cake
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
1 1/2 cups unbleached flour
1/2 cup cocoa
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup strong coffee (in place of coffee increase the buttermilk by 1/4 cup + 1/2 cup of water)
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/3 cup + 2 tbsp vegetable oil
2 eggs (1 whole egg + 1 egg yolk)
1 tsp vanilla

Cake filling
5 oz milk chocolate
5 oz dark chocolate
1/2 lb unsalted butter, softened
1/4 lb cream cheese, spreadable
1 tsp vanilla

Ganache
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tbsp unsalted butter
5 oz semi-sweet chocolate

Method
1. Pre-heat oven to 350 F. Prepare three 8″ cake pans with oiled parchment cut to fit the bottoms of the pans. Set aside.

2. Combine the sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, soda and salt in the bowl of a mixer and whisk on low to combine, making sure it is lump-free. Add the coffee, buttermilk, oil, eggs and vanilla and mix on medium-low for 2 minutes, stopping to scrape down the sides. The batter will be pourable.

3. Divide the batter among the prepared pans and bake for 15 minutes until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Let the cakes cool before removing them from the pans and cool completely on a wire rack. Remove parchment papers before assembling.

4. Next, prepare the cake filling. Melt the milk and dark chocolates in a double boiler and stir until smooth. Cool 10 minutes. Cream together the butter, cream cheese and vanilla. Mix the cooled chocolate into the creamed mixture. Next, prepare the ganache by heating the cream and butter to just before the scalding point. Pour the cream over the chopped chocolate and let rest for 3 minutes, then whisk gently (to avoid incorporating air as much as possible) until melted and smooth. Cool slightly.

5. To assemble the cake, place one of the cake layers on a cooling rack with a large baking sheet underneath to catch drips. Evenly spread half of the filling over the layer, then position a second layer on top. Repeat with remaining filling, saving a small amount to thinly spread over the top. Chill 10 minutes. Next, slowly pour the warm chocolate ganache over the entire cake while carefully spreading it with a large metal icing spatula to make a smooth surface. Carefully transfer the cake onto a plate and into the fridge to set.


Enjoy!  You can also order the Rebar Cookbook from Amazon:

GF Baking Class.

For my mom's 65th birthday, my two sisters and I decided to surprise our Mom and give her an experiential gift, along with some time spent with us.  We decided to attend a cooking class together at a cooking studio in uptown Waterloo. You can check it out here.  

Before I go any further, I must pause and give all credit to my sisters who came up with the idea.  If it were up to me, I would have chosen something predictable like pedicures.  And here's the thing, our Mom LOVED it.  It was something that she would never (and I mean never) normally do and it was super fun for us to do together.  We laughed lots.  Hopefully we didn't distract the other 4 members of the class.  Who am I kidding?  I'm sure we did.  They probably hated us.

The funny thing was that this particular class was a gluten-free baking class.  To be totally honest, we picked it based on the day that worked best for us, more than on the focus of the class.  However, it completely worked out to my benefit as I am (mostly) gluten free. :)

Our menu consisted of:

Pumpkin Cornmeal Pancakes with Blueberries and Cinnamon Maple Syrup

Gluten-free Strawberry Scones with Lemon Curd

Roasted Heirloom Tomato Tart

Chocolate Souffle Cookies

Everything was delish.  One of my favourtite take-a-ways from the class was learning how to make my own batch of gluten-free all-purpose flour.  I can't wait to make it and substitute it in my favourtie recipes that call for wheat flour.   Not to mention, it's way cheaper than buying gluten-free all-purpose flour already made up and packaged.  I'll be making a trip to Bulk Barn this week :)

Here's the recipe:

1 1/4 cups of brown rice flour

1 1/4 cups of white rice flour

1 cup tapioca flour

1 cup sweet rice flour

1/2 tsp. xantham gum

Turns out the day was a total success.  Even my nephew loved it!

p.s.  the homemade lemon curd was to die for!

May.

It's May 1st.

May is my hands-down-favourite month.  I love it in every possible way.

On this first day of May, here are 5 reasons I love this month already:

1.  Cherry Blossoms.  Their smell is intoxicating.

2.  My favourite show is on at 10 p.m. tonight, after taking a hiatus for weeks (boo).

3.  My windows are wide, wide open.

4.  Magnolia trees are blooming.  Breathtaking.

5.  I made Dark Chocolate Sea Salted Butter Toffee from Shauna Niequist's book and it is amazing.  To die for.  It took me two tries to get it right, but it was fully worth it.  I'm in danger of eating the entire pan.  I'm halfway through her latest book,  Bread and Wine, and devouring every word.  Honestly, you should stop whatever you are doing and order it here :)

Vacation

When you spend hours planning a vacation, you hope and you anticipate, but really you don't know how it is all going to turn out.  But, you put in the time anyways.  You hope.  You dream.  You plan.  You persevere through the packing and the wining and the stress.  And then, as you are sitting in the last few hours of the setting sun, on your last full day of vacation, by the side of the pool at your resort in Florida and all you can hear is your three girls laughing and playing in the water.  You smile.  As you feel the glow of the sun warming your shoulders, as you look up at the brightest and fiercest blue sky you have seen in ages, you realize just why it was that you planned and saved and packed for this vacation.  It was for moments like these.  Moments that you want to freeze.  Moments in which you want time to stand still.  As you sit, lying on a lounge-chair watching your three girls and now your handsome husband laugh, splash and throw each other around in the pool, you think to yourself - you are going to love this memory.  As fate would have it, you forgot your camera that afternoon.  Oh well, you'll just have to capture this memory in your memory bank.  As Brene Brown would say, you lean into joy.  You won't be able to handle it any longer - the next thing is, you put down your book, take off your cover-up and jump in the water with your four favourite people on earth.  Yes.  That's exactly what you will do.  You might even go down the waterslide with your five year old.  Just because she asks you to.

Thankful hardly even begins to describe is how I feel today.  Full.  Savouring.  Treasuring.

Granted, this family vacation was our most elaborate, to be sure.  But, the thing is - we've had similar experiences and build great memories while camping on the shore of Lake Huron or staying overnight at a hotel in Niagara Falls.  There is just something sweet about setting aside time to be together.  Time to laugh.  Time to rest.  Time to invest.  Invaluable.

February can be a hard month.

Earlier this month, Miss Amanda, our girls much loved piano teacher reminded me that February is a hard month.  I'm sure it will come as not surprise that we were talking about practicing piano.  

I've reminded myself and others of that as of late.  

Hard for a few reasons...
Hard when spring feels so far away.
Hard when its cold outside and the kids are going stir crazy (a.k.a. fighting) inside.
Hard when the actual hours of daylight are so limited.  

Just being aware of this reality has given me grace.  It has helped me adjust my expectations accordingly.

Because of my conversation with Amanda, I have been on the lookout for bright shining moments.  Moments to celebrate.  Moments of wonder and beauty.  Moments to remember what really matters.  I've been on the lookout for joy.  

Here are a few highlights from this month.   Some of these photos are from my camera and some are from my phone.  You'll be able to tell the difference :)

Here's Beth meeting her new nephew.  He's just two days old in this photo.  Heaven.

Saturday afternoon nap.  Love.

Snowstorm.  School was closed for the day!

My friend, Laura made me a latte one day when I dropped by to see her newly renovated kitchen.

Family day service at church.  Super fun.

On the early release day from school, the girls and I met my parents (fondly known as G and G) for lunch at IKEA.  Kids ate free that week.  Pure bonus.

I showed up at school one Thursday morning, only to find out that another Mom, Lindsay had on the exact same outfit as me.  Awkward and funny.  Lol.

I received an advance copy of this book in the mail.  

I can't forget to mention a few more.....:)

*A life group dinner where we each brought a part of the meal that represented a country we would love to visit someday.

*On February 10th, Beth lost her first tooth.  It was so exciting that she proceeded to misplace the tooth and had to write the Tooth Fairy a note explaining the loss.  The next day, after receiving money from the tooth fairy, she found the tooth, only to lose it one more time.

*Beebs (Eva) lost her glasses up north at camp earlier this month.  Never a dull moment.  But, she picked out a new pair and they are super cute and funky. I love them on her!

Joy comes to us in moments - ordinary moments.  We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.  Brene Brown.  Daring Greatly.  p.125.