Twenty

This past April, one Thursday evening, I had the opportunity to sit across from Alana at a Tim Hortons near her student house.   Alana was the first babysitter that Steve and I ever hired to babysit our kids, way back when Grace was 4 and Eva was 2.  She changed Eva's diapers and she has seen my girls grow up.  Alana comes from a family of 3 girls and she was so excited for us when Beth was born and even bought us an adorable little eyelet white halter outfit from Old Navy.  These days she is now all grown up and on the cusp of turning 20 this summer.  She just completed her second year at university and is now working out west this summer.  We set aside an hour on that perfect spring evening, her wanting to hear from me some wise words - essentially what I wish I had known at the age of 20.  Yikes.

Knowing we were getting together, all day long my thoughts were everywhere and I scribbled down 2 little pages front and back of things I wanted her to know.  What a daunting and yet reflective  experience that was for me.

Here's what I shared with her.  What I personally wish I had known to be true at 20.  They are in no particular order:

• how important it is to be teachable.  to develop a life long love of learning.  keep reading.
• that conflict and constructive critisism are not things to be afraid of.  we grow through them.
• fear does not come from God.  the things we fear are not nearly as big as we think.  God is bigger.
• resist the urge to compare yourself to other women.    nothing good comes from it.  be you. the world needs you.
• practice compassion toward yourself.  take good care of yourself, so you can care well for others around you.
• admitting weakness and being vulnerable takes courage and is a sign of strength.
• say no to some things so that you can say yes to greater things.
• we can only do a few things extrordinarily well - lean into and develop your strengths.
• try not to take responsibility for other peoples behavior.
• develop your own unique, strong voice.  use it and honour it.  it is much needed.  
• believe in miracles and in second chances.
• give people around you the space to grow.
• assume the best of people.  it goes a long way, especially in the relationships closest to you.   love always trusts.
• don't confide in people who break the confidence of others and are known to gossip.
• wear clothes and wear colours that you love.  only buy clothes if you love them, otherwise they will sit in your closet and you will never wear them.
• form a tribe - of people that are for you and breathe life into you, people you feel safe with.  
• no person can meet every need in you - only God can do that.

Here's what I have since thought I should have added:

• resist the need to try too hard
• you have more influence than you know- embrace it and use if for good.
• the importance of travel and of thinking globally.
• it's okay to change your mind about what you believe along the way.  My belief system is much different than it was 20 years ago ( thank goodness!).

I'm sure there are more!  What did I miss? What would you want to add to this list?