February can be a hard month.

Earlier this month, Miss Amanda, our girls much loved piano teacher reminded me that February is a hard month.  I'm sure it will come as not surprise that we were talking about practicing piano.  

I've reminded myself and others of that as of late.  

Hard for a few reasons...
Hard when spring feels so far away.
Hard when its cold outside and the kids are going stir crazy (a.k.a. fighting) inside.
Hard when the actual hours of daylight are so limited.  

Just being aware of this reality has given me grace.  It has helped me adjust my expectations accordingly.

Because of my conversation with Amanda, I have been on the lookout for bright shining moments.  Moments to celebrate.  Moments of wonder and beauty.  Moments to remember what really matters.  I've been on the lookout for joy.  

Here are a few highlights from this month.   Some of these photos are from my camera and some are from my phone.  You'll be able to tell the difference :)

Here's Beth meeting her new nephew.  He's just two days old in this photo.  Heaven.

Saturday afternoon nap.  Love.

Snowstorm.  School was closed for the day!

My friend, Laura made me a latte one day when I dropped by to see her newly renovated kitchen.

Family day service at church.  Super fun.

On the early release day from school, the girls and I met my parents (fondly known as G and G) for lunch at IKEA.  Kids ate free that week.  Pure bonus.

I showed up at school one Thursday morning, only to find out that another Mom, Lindsay had on the exact same outfit as me.  Awkward and funny.  Lol.

I received an advance copy of this book in the mail.  

I can't forget to mention a few more.....:)

*A life group dinner where we each brought a part of the meal that represented a country we would love to visit someday.

*On February 10th, Beth lost her first tooth.  It was so exciting that she proceeded to misplace the tooth and had to write the Tooth Fairy a note explaining the loss.  The next day, after receiving money from the tooth fairy, she found the tooth, only to lose it one more time.

*Beebs (Eva) lost her glasses up north at camp earlier this month.  Never a dull moment.  But, she picked out a new pair and they are super cute and funky. I love them on her!

Joy comes to us in moments - ordinary moments.  We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.  Brene Brown.  Daring Greatly.  p.125.

Words for 2013.

In no particular order, my 3 words for 2013 are......

Of course it would be far too easy to just keep it simple and pick one word.  Instead I had to choose three and even that process took me 2 months.  Anyhow, here goes:

1.  Mercy (triumphs over judgement). Maybe it's because I watched Les Mis at the Theatre in January, but more likely it is because I need to grow in mercy.....toward others and toward myself.

2.  Leaning (into strengths).   I want to spend more time this year embracing and leaning into my strengths.  Less time comparing myself to others.  Less time worrying about my limitations.  More leaning.

3.  Safety.  This word is meant primarily for my marriage.  I'll try to explain.  This year I am all about growing trust and safety into my marriage.  I want to be for my husband and not against him.  I want us to be a team.  I want to make sure we are an "us" and even more importantly, I want him to know it and feel it.  Safety.

How about you?  Did you pick a word (or in my case, words) to sum up your dreams, prayers and hopes for 2013?

Mercy for a Monday

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

    His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;

    his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Lamentations 3: 21-23 

Friday was a snow day and while my kids woke up ecstatic, I on the other hand woke up feeling quite fragile.  Fragile, humble and raw.

Thankful for second chances.

Somehow the snow day seemed fitting.

You see, the previous day I had experienced a series of humbling events...

On that particular Thursday, I somehow had managed to delete 2 1/2 years worth of photos from my Macbook (amazingly, a friend was able to retrieve them).  Not too long after that, as I was still recovering from the whirlwind that had sent me into, I bumped and cracked my back fender of my car.  A couple of hours after that I wiped out on the ice.

I was in rough shape.  The fact that I have a tendency in moments like that to overreact and blow things out of proportion sure didn't help.  Did I mention that Steve was out during all of this?  I was at risk for a serious meltdown.

That night, I had to talk myself through, what Brene Brown, in her latest book Daring Greatly calls "shame resilience".

On page 80 of that book, she talks about three steps to moving through feelings of shame.  She tells her readers to trust the process.  I chose to practice those three steps that evening and into the next day.

1  Be courageous and reach out to someone.  Share your experience "with someone who has earned the right to hear it - with someone who loves us, no despite our vulnerabilities, but because of them".

2.  Practice self compassion.  Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend in the same situation - with love and respect.

3.  Own your part in all of it.  "If you own this story you get to write the ending".

I'm so thankful to have had that resource at such a time.  Praying and longing that I will become more and more a person of empathy and connection because of it.

Today it's Monday and once again I'm resting in the mercies of a new morning.

Fridays snow storm was shouting out to me of mercy, of fresh beginnings, second chances and a clean state.

In my brokenness, it covered me.  Covered me with grace.

 At Vision Night last night, the band led us in a song called 10 000 Reasons .  It followed with a time where people could get up and  share why they were thanking God in their particular season of life.  I'm kicking myself for not getting up there last night.  What I wanted to say was that I am thanking God because his mercies are new every morning.  Because he is faithful.  My new little nephew, born Thursday is fresh evidence of such goodness, beauty and grace.  Precious.  This weekend I have experienced and received God's mercy through people, especially my husband.  Because of that, I am grateful, humbled and restored.

Winter Links

Here are some of my favourite reads (and such) as of late:

These days I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.  Every other Monday, Alison and Becky and I get together over lunch to chat about the book (among other things).  Seriously, this book is rocking my world.

This post on marriage.  I so appreciated the honesty and practically of this post and message.  Bravo.

This post on jealousy and regret is a must-read.  A couple of lines that really got me were:  "Our jealousy teaches us so much, if we let it" and "I've found that the slower I go, the richer life feels".  Lots to think about, for sure, in this post.

Susan Caine does this fascinating talk on TED about introverts.  You can watch it here.   I spent most of my teens and twenties desperately trying to be an extrovert.  It's only been in the last ten or so years, that I have embraced the fact that I am indeed an introvert and am learning to honour my need for space, quiet and margin.  It feels so great to be finally leaning into this and viewing it as a strength and not a weakness.

This really cool liturgy is just in time for Lent.  Can I also say that I am super excited about the gluten-free pancakes I am making for Pancake Tuesday? :)

This post on raising brave kids has super challenged me.  I need to be braver.  Simple as that.

I'm participating in this year long scripture memory challenge....and it's not too late to join.

I loved this story about community.  Super fun!

Have a great weekend, friends!  Stay warm.

p.s. Have you chosen a word or a phrase for 2013?  I'm still in the process of narrowing mine down and figuring that out.  More on that to come :)

Parenting "a-ha" moment

It's possible that I am the last mom on the planet to learn this lesson.  It's quite likely that you already know this and I am a slow learner.

Here's the thing - I learned something huge this weekend.  Something afresh.  A light bulb moment of sorts.

The times when our kids are the most challenging and difficult to show love to are the very times when our kids most desperately need to know and receive our love.

This was a game changing realization this weekend for me.  This truth hit me yesterday like a ton of bricks.  I just had to share it.  Maybe someone else needed to be reminded of such a truth.

I know I did.

Could it be any colder?

Short Term ForecastUpdated:Friday, January 25, 2013, 11:23EST

	FridayAfternoonAfternoon: 12:00 PM - 5:59 PM	FridayEveningEvening: 6:00 PM - 11:59 PM	FridayOvernightOvernight: 12:00 AM - 5:59 AM	SaturdayMorningMorning: 6:00 AM - 11:59 AM	SaturdayAfternoonAfternoon: 12:00 PM - 5:59 PM
	Flurries	Scattered flurries	Scattered flurries	Scattered flurries	Variable cloudiness
Temp.	-6 °C	-8 °C	-9 °C	-8 °C	-3 °C
Feels Like	-12	-14	-14	-13	-6
Wind	SE  15 km/h	E  15 km/h	E  5 km/h	SE  10 km/h	NW  10 km/h
Relative Humidity	73  %	79  %	79  %	73  %	68  %
P.O.P.	70  %	60  %	40  %	40  %	20  %
Snow	1-3 cm	close to 1 cm	close to 1 cm	less than 1 cm	-

Here's the forcast I puled up for the next 2 days.   Can you say coldness?  

I'm trying to look for the positive in all of this coldness and here's what I've come up with so far:

• Hot drinks taste so much better when it's cold outside.  Hot chocolate, latte's, tea, coffee.   Amazing.    I appreciate them so much more in this weather.
• There is nothing better than flannel pajamas in this climate.
• This weather makes me want to slow down, stay home, cuddle, read books, watch t.v. and hang out with my family.
• Hats and scarves are super cute:)
• Spring is going to be so fantastic when it arrives!

How are you all staying warm?

2012 Highlights

Looking back on 2012, here are a few things I am super thankful for.  A few absolute highlights:

I.  A really cool job opportunity that fell on my lap.

2.  Our church launched a new location in my community.

3.  Saturdays became family days.

4.  Our family (okay, mainly Steve) organized an Easter breakfast and egg hunt and in the process raised a bunch of money for Kiva.

5.  Grace became a teenager.  Um, wow.

6.  I joined the 21st century and got a cell phone  :)

7.  Beth learned to swim in the deep end.

8.  Eva found the courage to sing a solo at her school Christmas concert.  So proud of her.

9.  December.  It was a month full of amazing 40th birthday celebrations that I will treasure and carry with me for a long, long time.

How about you?  What are you thankful for in 2012?

Lessons of 2012

As I look back and read over my journal and calendar from this past year, there were some obvious and reoccurring themes.  That's the way it tends to be with me.

Here are (in no particular order) some lessons I have learned (and continue to learn) as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, leader and precious child of God.

Let me just add that many were learned the hard way :)

1.  God is trustworthy.  I will wait on him.  In the "land between",  He is present, good and faithful.  I will tether myself to his faithfulness.

2.  Assume the best and not the worst of people.  Love always trusts (1 Corinthians 13:7).

3. Don't overreact.  Or blow things out of proportion.  Nothing good comes about as a result.

4.  Practice radical self care.  And compassion toward myself.  I can be way too hard on myself at times.

5.  Be brave and courageous.  "We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are"  Madeline L'Engle

6.  Love myself.  Part of loving God is loving myself (ties into #4).

7.  Laugh.  Often.

8.  Eliminate hurry.

9.  Get lots of rest.  Fresh air too.

10.  Let my yes be yes and my no be no.  Say what I mean.   Mean what I say.

11.  Be ruled by love and not fear.  Don't make decisions out of fear, obligation or guilt.

12.  Let the kingdom of God be my priority.

13.  Speak words of life.  Words have power.  Lots of power.  Guard my tongue.

14.  Refuse to be offended.

15.   Don't tell stories that are not mine to tell.

16.  Choose to be a person of clarity.  Communicate.  Communicate.  Communicate.  Over communicate if necessary.

17.  I can only be responsible for myself.

18.  God has not given me a spirit of timidity.  Rather, one of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

19.  Be faithful in the small.

20.  It takes humility to receive compliments.  Practice humility.

21.  Practice the discipline of celebration.

22.  Tune my ears toward heaven.  Listen.  Yearn for the whisper of God.  Act on the nudges and whispers of the Holy Spirit.  Recognise and starve the enemy's whispers of lies, doubt and destruction.

23.  The best gift that I can give someone lacking in self awareness is awareness.

24.  Stand up for those who have no voice.

25.  Build my spouse up.  Especially in public.

26.  Be true to myself.  Listen to and honour my gut.

27.  Start my mornings right.

28.  God cares about my dreams.

29.  God alone is my provider.  Where God guides, He provides.

30.  Seek and you will find.  If you look for things to be thankful for, you will find them.  If you look for things to complain about, you will find them.

31.  My voice matters.

32.  I crave silence and space.

33.  It's important to renew my mind daily.

34.  My hope comes from God alone.

35.  Live in the light.

36.  Choose to be present over perfect.

37.  It's better to do something poorly than not to have done it at all.


So, there you have it!  What is one lesson you have learned (perhaps repeatedly) in 2012?

Favourite Christmas Music

One of my favourite things about Christmas is the music.

We put up decorations, a tree and outside lights.  We send cards and decorate gingerbread houses.  We love Christmas around here.  But it's Christmas music that I really love.   Pretty much as soon as Hallowe'en is over, I gradually incorporate Christmas music in our day to day lives.  I sneak it in before my family can even realize what I am doing :)

For me, it creates so much anticipation as I approach Christmas.

I also smile and remind myself that I grew up in a family where music was a huge part of our lives.  My Dad is a lover of music (that's putting it mildly) and there was rarely a day growing up that we didn't have some kind of music playing in the house...on a record player in my early years, a cassette in my early teen years and then CD's took over somewhere around the middle of my high school years.  Everything from The Beatles to Duane Eddy to Van Morrison to Johnny Cash and beyond...

Christmas was no exception.  Music played a big role.  When I think of Christmas growing up, I think of music, the smokey smell and crackling sound of a fireplace and shortbread.

Some of my all time favourite Christmas songs/albums are:

1.  Amy Grant.  I love Amy Grant Christmas albums, the first one (A Christmas Album) in particular.  I mean, who doesn't love "Tender Tennessee Christmas"?  This album makes me think of high school.  Every year I pull out that album and feel 17 again:)

2.  Happy Christmas (War is Over) - the Alarm ( 1991 Cover).  This song takes me back to Belfast, Northern Ireland, 1991.  I was at school in the U.K. for eight months and spent three of my most-favourite-weeks-ever with my relatives in Belfast.  This song was playing everywhere at that time.  In restaurants.  Outside as you shopped in town.  In Castle Court (or as we would say, the mall).  Every time I hear this song, I smile and time stands still for a moment.

3.  I watched  White Christmas for the first time when I was in university.  I fell in love.  Pretty much ever since, it has become a tradition to watch it every year.  My girls even love it.  Bing's version of the song is obviously one of my favourites.

4.  O Holy Night is my hands-down, all time favourite Christmas Hymn.  

5.  My church together with another local church put together this amazingly creative and worshipful CD.  So proud of them.  Just beautiful.  You can download it for free here.

6.  I know I'm about a decade behind, but I have just started listening to Sarah McLachlan's, "Wintersong" album  and I love it.  It's quickly becoming a favourite.

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that came to my mind first. How about you?  I'd love to hear.   What is one of your favourite Christmas songs/albums?

Practicing Gratitude

I realized it's time I paused and recognized all that I am grateful for in this particular season.  Ever needed to do just that?

Here are a few things I am grateful for:

1.  Beth is all about writing short words and she's on an absolute roll with writing.  I receive daily "love notes" from her and trust me, they never get old.

2.  I loved waking up to sunshine this morning.  What a gift.

3.  An afternoon hike today with dear friends (which included some family photos being taken!).

4.  This past week we had parent-teacher interviews.  I was reminded afresh that our girls have the most outstanding teachers.  Really fantastic people.  I'm beyond thankful.

5. The new Food and Drink magazine that my neighbour picked up for me this week.


How about you?  What are you thankful for today?

Jumping in Puddles

I went for a hike last week with Beth and was struck by the fact that my girl couldn't avoid a puddle for the life of her.  It was as if those pink boots of hers were drawn like a magnet to every puddle in her path.  Even the small ones.

I loved watching her.  I was in awe.

It made me long for a childlike spirit of adventure.  I wanted to recapture the five year old in me.

Ever felt that way?

I couldn't help but think that as I get older, I go out of my way to avoid puddles.  I go out of my way to avoid mess.  In the process, I miss out on adventure.  I miss out on the freedom of living in the moment.  The joy of fully embracing life.

It's no secret that these days that I am missing my girl tons.  She's at school full days now.  I never expected to feel like this.  No one is more surpirsed than I am.  The truth is I'm kind of lost without her around.

There's a part of me that doesn't want Beth to grow up.  I guess maybe I just don't want her to stop jumping in puddles.

I hope along that way that I can learn from her.  Learn more of what it means to fully embrace life and find joy in the simplist of pleasures.

Only God.

This evening, Steve and I are leading an 8 week marriage study in our home in the form of a "life group" through our local church.

As I've been thinking about and preparing for this evening, lots has been filling my mind and heart.  Excitement.  Fear.  Inadequacy.  Anticipation.  Hope.

I'm in a place today where I am so in love with Steve.

I've also been married long enough to know that these kind of feelings can change in the course of a day.  Literally.

I know that marriage and love and commitment has nothing to do with feelings, but let's face it - it's great when they are there.  Today they are and my heart is full.  I hope God gives me 60 more years with him.  I'm crazy about him right now.

Last night, Steve and I attended a reunion/celebration of a ministry called Youth Eventz that I was a part of in my teens and twenties.  This ministry played a huge role in shaping who I am today and was without question the catalyst that God used to draw me into a relationship with Him.  I am forever grateful for this ministry.  For  the life change, leadership opportunities and friendships that came out of such an era.  Truly beautiful gifts.  Last night was a chance to celebrate all of that and give God all of the glory.

I've never gone to a high school reunion and so this would have been the closest big reunion type event that I attended.  Along with that comes lots of awkward conversations where you are catching people up on the last 10-20 years of your life in a matter of minutes.

Driving home, I was overwhelmed with God's goodness and faithfulness on a number of levels.  I couldn't help but think of Steve and I and what a miracle our marriage is.  Our road started out so rocky.  We came from such different worlds.  Our strong personalities clashed constantly in the early days.

As we chatted with old friends last night, the question came up, "how long have you been married?" and "how old are your kids?" and so on.  It occurred to me afresh that we can't take the credit for anything.  It's not like we can say that we did something outstanding to stay together and be in a place of deep connection today.  Nope.  Not even close.  It goes something like this:  Only God.  In our twenties, we were a mess.  It didn't take us long in our married lives to learn that if we were going to make it and thrive (not just survive), we had better surround ourselves with some great friends.  That was a huge prayer for us in the early days of our marriage and wow, did God ever deliver.  More than that, we came to the realization that without God at the center of our relationship and soon to be family, we were destined for trouble.  We hung on to Jesus with everything we had and we still do.  He was and continues to be our only hope.

Driving home last night, I was overcome with the abundance of his faithfulness.  Only God.

As I spend this afternoon preparing for tonight's life group, the irony is not lost on me.  I am thankful for and challenged by the gift of marriage.  I am in awe of God's faithfulness.  I am excited about learning and growing and laughing and maybe even crying with new friends around my living room in  the next 8 weeks.  I'm excited about what Only God can do when we give Him the chance.  I want to keep on giving Him the chance...

October Links

Welcome to October.  Turns out I like fall way more than I remembered!

It's been ages since I've blogged, and I really have no excuse other than the fact that this fall has been all about me adjusting to and embracing a new reality.  More on that to come....still processing:)

Here are a few of my faves as of late:

Vision Night - This is one of many, many reasons why I love my local church.  Total high point of this fall.  Unforgettable.

This quote from this post pretty much sums up why I chose to blog in the first place:  "there will always be enough beauty, enough hope, enough good, if we decide to be people who are always on the lookout for it.  I want to use my voice to bring light and hope and beauty.  I want to search for what’s good, and shout about that."  Shauna Niequist

Something about this blog post made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Maybe it was this quote:  "But mostly, home is...Feeling loved not despite my vulnerabilities and imperfection but because of them.  Always knowing there’s a place where I belong. No matter what. Never needing to shrink or play small when I’m proud of an accomplishment and never needing to puff up when I’m struggling."  Brene Brown

Out of my desire and prayer to use my time and energy well, I am going to give this a try.

I can't wait to read this book.  It's been ordered.  I even talked some friends into reading it with me :)

Lastly, this week I've been watching bits and pieces of the documentary on PBS entitled, Half the Sky.  Hard to put into words.  Gripping.  Devastating.  Empowering.  Inspiring.  It's a must watch.  Especially if you are a girl.  Or have daughters.  Or if you know a girl.  You'll also want to check out www.halftheskymovement.org.  I can't stop thinking about what I'm learning.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving!