Waiting well.

Advent has taken in a whole new meaning for me this year. At its core, advent is about waiting with expectancy. Advent is the anticipation of the Christ child that we celebrate at Christmas. As I have mentioned before, this year I'm in a season of waiting. I'm making peace with mystery. I'm living with uncertainty. I read this post not too long ago by Sarah Bessey and my heart jumped inside me and cried out yes, that's what I'm feeling! And as often only the Spirit works, I keep noticing, being drawn to and reading about advent and the waiting. About the longing and the joy of anticipation.

These days some areas of my life have closure and answers and others do not. I'm starting to realize that we're all waiting for something. We're all in a season of longing in one way or another. Ultimately we're all waiting for Christ to come again and make all things new and bring about His kingdom here on earth.

The cry of my heart is O come o come Emmanuel. Emmanuel meaning God with us. Meaning we're not alone. He's in the waiting with you and I.

I'm waiting and I want to wait well. I have a friend who is also is a season of "waiting". We've adopted this phrase of "waiting well".

By the phrase "waiting well", I'm talking about waiting with hope and expectation rather than despair. Waiting with gratitude and trust rather than complaining and self pity. About choosing well in a season of longing and uncertainty. About leaning into the journey of mystery and being okay with not having all of the answers. Asking humbly, "what can I learn from this?". This is what's behind the idea of "waiting well". It's HARD stuff and most of the time it's a choice.

I have a feeling that I'm not the only one who needs the encouragement today to wait well. If that's you, I'm right in the thick of this with you and cheering you on in the journey. Let's do this well!

When Steve and I were first married, I worked at a church and one crisp and snowy December the minister and his wife gave us an advent candle wreath. It was lovely and festive, but truthfully we had no idea what to do with it. Generally when we had family or friends coming over we would just light all four of the candles and put it as a center piece on the table.

I had grown up with in a Presbyterian faith tradition where we celebrated advent and each Sunday in December my church family would light a candle and share liturgy about peace, hope, joy, love and the Christ Child on Christmas Eve. Even still, the advent tradition was not rooted deeply in me yet. Then fast forward to being married for over a decade and one day I was purging and cleaning out my house and (gasp) can you believe I parted with that advent wreath. I pitched it. We weren't practicing advent in an intentional way and the candle wreath seemed a bit archaic (I can't believe I'm admitting this).

No biggie until this year. 

This Christmas all I can think about is that wreath. I am wishing I had that advent wreath and the tangible symbol of waiting that it is. I can picture it in my mind perfectly. I even checked my Christmas boxes again just in case maybe just maybe I actually didn't throw it out. No such luck. I investigated into making a purchase locally and even looked on line to find one. Still no luck. I'm still looking and hopefully by next Christmas I'll have one.

As I dove into this month of December, I was gearing up for a BUSY month. I was preparing to work at two schools in addition to all of the stuff that goes along with Christmas...shopping, parties, card writing, baking, decorating and so on. It turned out that both schools pushed pause and decided to wait until the first week of January to begin the literacy project of which I am a part. Then, the clutch broke on my car and it was sent to the transmission shop. There it was torn apart, parts were ordered and parts were sent away to be rebuilt (it's really all a foreign language to me). Anyways, I was without a car for seven days. SEVEN. Can you believe it? I had to cancel plans and life sloooooowed right down. What I thought would be a fast paced month ended up being slow. At first it was painful. I kept thinking of all the things I could be doing, And then it became a gift. A chance to reflect on the past year. A chance to pause. A chance to pray and journal. A chance to rest. I consumed a lot of tea, hot chocolate and coffee. It was like I was forced to take a sabbatical. On the last day of my forced home stay, it snowed hard. It was a winter wonderland and I had a snow day all by myself (which by the way is the best kind). It made me think that perhaps it was all a part of the advent. A part of learning to wait well.

 O come o come Emmanuel

P.S. This podcast was a good encouragement and challenge to me in my journey of waiting well.

Uncertainty.

It's been a while since I blogged and the truth is there are all sorts of reasons for that. This fall has been interesting and like no other season I have experienced, it has been marked with uncertainty.

Uncertainty about where I'll work and where we'll live and what the future looks like. It's hard to put into words, but it's just overall felt like a shaky time.

I don't do so well with uncertainty. Uncertainty stirs up all kinds of fears and insecurities in me. I crave certainty. I like black and white. I like knowing what to expect. I love setting goals and five year plans. I'm that person. Uncertainty and I are kinda like oil and water.

Uncertainty brings out the worst in me. Ouch. It causes me to face my fears and the unhealthy parts of being an Enneagram One.

As a side note, I realized that during times of uncertainty, I am prone to wear the comfiest clothes imaginable. Every night for about a month, I put on my husbands super baggy sweatshirt. I also drank lots of tea. Not exactly my best look, but whatever.

Notice the sweatshirt in this photo :)

Perhaps God in his humour knew it was time for me to face this giant. Embracing uncertainty is all about me learning to trust. Its about me being okay with the unknown and recognizing that there is much to be learned in this place. It's about making peace with mystery. It's one thing to talk about unclenching my fists, opening my palms and embracing surrender and another thing entirely to do it. The funny thing is, it's not a one time decision. It's daily. Sometimes hourly. Sometimes moment to moment.

I'm learning that it requires tons of courage and a willingness to be transformed.

I loved and resonate with this meditation from Richard Rohr:

Don’t Push the River   All of us are much larger than the good or bad stories we tell about ourselves. Don’t get caught in “my” story, my hurts, my agenda. It’s too small. It’s not the whole you, not the Great You. It’s not the great river. It’s not where life is really going to happen. No wonder the Spirit is described as “flowing water” and as “a spring inside you” (John 4:10-14) or, as it states at the end of the Bible, as a “river of life” (Revelation 22:1-2). Your life is not really about “you.” It is part of a much larger stream called God. The separate self is finally an illusion for those who stay on the journey of prayer. I believe that faith might be precisely that ability to trust the river, to trust the flow and the Lover. It is a process that we don’t have to create, coerce, or improve. We simply need to allow it to flow. That takes immense confidence in God, especially when we’re hurting. Usually, I can feel myself get panicky. I want to make things right, and right now! I lose my ability to be present, and I go up into my head and start obsessing. I try to push or even create the river—the river that is already flowing through me. Faith does not need to push the river precisely because it is able to trust that there is a river. The river is flowing; we are in it. The river is God’s providential love—so do not be afraid. We have been given the Spirit (Luke 11:13). Without this awareness of the always flowing river, without a sense that we are supported, we will all succumb to fear and control mechanisms. Why wouldn’t we? To stay in God’s holding means that I have to stop taking full hold of myself, at least to some degree. I have to be able to hold a certain degree of uncertainty, ambiguity, and tension. Paradoxically, this leads to a much more calm and content way of “being in control”! Now all the frenzy and fear is gone. Adapted from Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer, pp. 142-145

These days I'm doing some tough inner work. Soul work. It's hard, scary and exhausting and yet I know that I am on holy ground. Shaky, yet holy.

A few weeks ago, over a latte at Starbucks a friend described to me the ancient practice of centering prayer. It was at the most perfect time imaginable. I can hardly put into words how significant this experience has been for me. It's funny, because if I had been told about centering prayer a year ago or even a month ago, I likely would have brushed it off. In this season of uncertainty, I have drank it up. It's been a pure gift. Gradually, I am finding my center in Christ.

This has been an anthem, a theme song. Letting go of safety. Leaving the shore:

On a lighter note,

Beth was the bravest girl on Halloween. Doesn't she make the cutest Merida?

I discovered a squash soup recipe that I love. Goats cheese crumbled on top. To die for.

I spent a day in October at a local Monastery and participated in a silent retreat. 

This tree outside my front window kept me in awe throughout the month of October.

I have a thing for rainbows. This fall we were at a friend's house and saw this breathtaking full rainbow.

I read this on instagram by Bob Goff recently. So timely for me.

I'm realizing that there is life to be lived in the uncertain times. Meaning to be found. Joy to be discovered. Learning to be done. I'm on the lookout for such gifts :)

Why blog? Part 2.

 “I’m a musician. I write songs. I just hope that when the day is done, I’ve been able to tear a little corner off the darkness.” Bono

Last summer, I wrote this post about why I blog.

Lately I've been thinking about that post and I have a few more thoughts to add...

Have I mentioned that I love words? I love reading, writing and all forms of putting words together. I assumed this was the case with everyone until recently. 

Writing is my favourite way to communicate and the best way for me to figure out what I think and feel. I'm realizing it's how God wired me.

I want my life to be about being on the lookout for beauty and then celebrating it. 

In all forms - in creation, in people, in myself, in truth ... and so on.  

I'm realizing that's what I want my life to be about in a nutshell.

Writing and blogging is a way for me to be on the lookout for beauty.

Not only do I want to be on the lookout for beauty, but I want to celebrate it and call it forth in others. I want to tear a little corner off the darkness.

I'm asking myself what that looks like practically. Perhaps it means:

• Loving with intention.
• And gratitude.
• Connecting rather than comparing.
• Choosing to be looking for good. Celebrating it.  Sharing it.
• Not only looking for good, but doing good. Living a life of action and goodness and inviting others into the journey. 

Also, for me, writing is a cliff. I feel both completely alive and completely terrified at the same time. 

I'm not going to lie. It's scary.

But feeling alive is a pretty huge value for me.

So here's my challenge for you and for me: Do something creative every day. 

Find what makes you come alive and do more of it.

Back to school.

Summer was awesome.

And as much as I loved it and really tried to savour it, yesterday I realized that I'm okay if I don't have another burger or hot dog for a long long time.

Yesterday we were swimming and roasting hot dogs and today we were doing this. Crazy.

Grade Two, Eight and Ten.

I like new beginnings. I'm a fan of fresh starts - new journals, fresh calendars, new year at school. 

Here's my obligatory "kid are back to school" selfie. This is how I celebrated, I mean coped :)

This morning my house was SO quiet. I had forgotten what silence sounded like. I'm not going to lie, I wasted all kinds of time. Like lots. I hardly knew what to do with myself. Not to worry, I'll figure it out:)

Here's some back to school reading if you're in the mood...

asking your kids how their day was,
limiting screen time,
changing someones story,
menu planning.

Have a great week!

C.

Summer in photos (so far)

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." 
- Albert Camus

As always, the first week of summer holidays was an adjustment for the girls and I. We loved the loose structure and no lunches to make, but there was the "I'm bored", the whining and the fighting to get out of our system...

Now that we're a month in, we are in a good groove. So good that I want to press pause. I don't know about you, but from where I stand, summer is going by waaaay to fast. And, can August please be HOT?!

These days bedtimes are getting later and later, mornings are lazy, afternoons are often poolside and evenings are by the soccer field or baseball diamond.



Throw in there some berry picking, jumbo freezies, bike rides, girls off to camp, campfires, BBQ and homemade ice cream and all is good;) 

Our dear friends, the Thompsons arrived home from a year in Australia. All is right in the world again. To say that my girls were excited about their arrival would be the understatement of the year! Here are some photos of them getting ready to welcome home the Thompsons.

    I love Fridays because it means CSA.

   This girl received a bike seat for her doll, Bridget and now they ride around town like this. LOVE.

    Once and a while I remember that I live close to water and I feel the pull to drive my car down to the lake. There I breathe deeply, take a sigh of relief and remind myself that I'm not God and He is.

I went to a wedding and had the cutest date.

I love the structure of the school year with appointments and school and such, but there is something free and even necessary about breaking from all of that for the summer. It's good for my soul and yours to embrace each season.

Lastly I came across this recipe and they are amazing :)

All the reasons I loved spring. And there are many.

It's no secret that spring is my favourite season. It's true - I'm a spring girl through and through. 

Here's the thing, I was so busy loving spring that I've completely neglected blogging. You can't really blame me seeing that this past winter was the LONGEST WINTER EVER.

I have a few blog posts in the works, but before I can post them I really should recap spring before I move on to summer, right?

Anyways, here are a few highlights from this spring (in random order) and some stuff that I loved :)

1. My brother (who happens to be a chef) moved in with us in April and now I have days where I am eating scallops and risotto as a bedtime snack and homemade focaccia bread in the afternoon. Don't even get me started about the homemade sorbet and chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Life is good. I've told him that he can never ever leave us.



2. A friend took a photo of us which is kinda fun since it's very rare that this happens (and Steve is actually showing teeth, which is equally as rare). Steve's also lost over thirty pounds through a huge commitment to running. I'm so proud of him. I don't think he's ever looked better!

3. Lavender oil. I'm using this essential oil every night before bed and sleeping great. I just add a few drops to my face moisturizer. I love the smell of lavender and the scent is so calming.

4. I loved this podcast because I could talk about (and learn about) the Enneagram ALL DAY LONG.

5. I'm participated in an online 21 day Pilate's challenge and loved it! You can still totally join, it's not too late! You can check it out here.

6. Blossoms.



7. Socks away - sandals and flip flops out :)

8. Windows open.

9. Our CSA began!

10. Lilacs.



11. We celebrated our 17th anniversary. Here we were 17 years ago.


And now.






12. We spent the month of May spring cleaning our house and getting rid of clutter. Clutter removal felt great. I feel much lighter and freer. It's so true that less is more. 

13. This poem. Makes me want to be about dropping keys.

The small woman
builds cages for everyone

She knows.

While the sage,

who has to duck her headwhile the moon is low,

keeps dropping keys

all night long

for the beautiful rowdy prisoners.

-Hafiz

14. A family picnic on Mothers' Day which included these two new nephews. LOVE.

15. Taking this girl to Pee Wee Camp and cabin leading her cabin group. So fun. It was a total highlight for me. Beth is at an age so full of wonder, curiosity and love of life. It is refreshing to spend time with her (and her peeps). At the same time, she is becoming super independent and lives life with tons of guts and fervor. She's spunky and I love it! She has more confidence at 7 than I had at 30. This girl even planned her entire 7th birthday party. Wowzers. I'm loving her Independence.

 


16. This spring was packed full. And guess what?  I've learned that I'm capable of way more than I thought possible. It felt good to be stretched and challenged. I'm learning that stress in and of itself is not bad - rather it's how we think about and respond to stress that can be unhealthy. Through taking an Emotional Intelligence Assessment with my friend Laurie, who is a Life Coach and through participating in Next Level Leadership (Module 3), I'm learning healthier ways to respond to times of stress and challenge. Ways like: 

• breaking huge tasks into small bite size pieces and then celebrating and acknowledging the victory of each step accomplished. 
• letting people in - asking for help. 
• placing myself in environments where I can be transpart and share my journey.

This TED talk on making stress your friend is fascinating. Quite a game changer. 

Also, these days I'm feeling scared to death and fully alive at the same time. I'm leaning into some pretty big fears. And choosing courage. I'm feeling very much in the arena and thinking about these wise words:


I love this quote by Brene Brown.


So that was spring in a nutshell - jam packed full of wonder, growth, challenge, new life and all around goodness.

Guiding words for 2014.

So, it's already March 24th and while I have been thinking about my guiding words for 2014, it's taken me a while to come to some clarity. 

Of course I can't pick just one. That would be way too easy and I'm far too complicated and contemplative for that :)

So without further delay, here are my guiding words for 2014...

My overarching theme for 2014 is to be ruled by love. I want love to rule my heart, mind, decisions and of course, my relationships. I've been realizing that more often that not, fear is my default. In 2014, I'm committed to changing that - committed to making love my default. I'm longing to to be ruled by love and not fear, judgement, shame or condemnation.

What do I mean by being ruled by fear? I'm talking about when I am tempted toward perfectionism and image control. People pleasing. Making decisions because I feel obligated to do something instead of being drawn to make a decision or commitment. The need to be in control. Being afraid of conflict or suppressing my feelings. Insecurity. Lack of trust. Beating myself up over past mistakes. I'm learning and coming to terms with the reality that all of these are rooted in fear. 

I want to be ruled by love. I want to live light and carefree, to learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I want to open my hands wider and unclench my fists. To show mercy and compassion toward myself and others. To learn what it means to walk in step with the Spirit. To live with surrender. And forgiveness. To love deeply and with abandon. To trust like a little child. To embrace uncertainty and imperfection. To share my heart. I want love to become my default.
I choose love and so I'm giving up fear - not just for lent, but for all of 2014. I'm asking God to write LOVE on the tablet of my heart (Proverbs 3:3). I'm desiring it to mark me and define me.

Love is my true identity. Now I just need to walk in it.

Under that umbrella of the rule of love comes a few more guiding theme words...

1. Listen. 

The idea behind this is speaking less and listening more. 

It's about being quick to listen, slow to speak.  

Slow to interrupt.  Slow to argue.  Slow to be defensive.  Slow to become offended.  Slow to have the last word. 

It's about asking better questions and being more others oriented. It's about having the discipline to only give my opinions when asked.

It's about really listening. And not just thinking about what I'm about to say next. It's about developing the discernment to know when to speak and when to be quiet. Tricky indeed.

2. Clarity. 

Along with this goes the idea of letting my 'yes be yes and my no being no'. Saying what I mean. Not allowing feelings to build up or become repressed (especially since I'm learning that as an Enneagram 1, my vice is resentment - I want to be aware and careful).

Clarity means truth telling. It means no games.

The nice thing about a spouse (well there are lots, really) is that Steve is helping me see how sometimes I lack clarity when communicating and I don't always come right out and say what I mean. I'd love that to change in 2014.

In summary, listen - clarity - the rule of LOVE. Those are my guiding words for 2014.

So, there you have it. A few months late, but no biggie. Here we go...

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 1 Corinthians 13:3

Just for fun.

This post is pure fun. So if you're in the mood for something deeper and more thought provoking, you might want to take a pass on this one.

In the spirit of celebrating what is good and beautiful, I was inspired by a recent conversation with some friends about my favourite spots to eat in Niagara.

Ribs from Memphis Fire

Dinner at Lake House

With some help from Steve, here's what I came up with:

Favourite coffee shop: Conversations Cafe. Hands down best lattes. Plus my friend Deb owns the place and she rocks.

Favourite bakery: De La Terre. The brownies are to die for. For real.

Favourite breakfast spots: Super hard to narrow it down. So - I created some categories :)

Best location and atmosphere - Butterballs in the Jordan hollow.
Best food and ambiance - On the Twenty in Jordan Village.

Best (and only that I've ever tried!) breakfast poutine - Cosmos in Thorold on Front St.
Best new spot (with great home fries) - Bistro 41 in Vineland on Victoria Ave.

Favourite chip wagon: MJ's Own Munchies. They even give you free fries on your birthday!

Favourite spots for dinner: The Lake House and The Old Winery.

Favourite atmosphere: The Keg.

Favourite Fish and Chips: The Irish Harp Pub.

Best value: Cats Caboose. You can't beat the $8 lunch menu.

Favourite BBQ: Memphis Fire. Worth the drive. So fun. Reasonable too. Kid-friendly. Amazing food! Try a milkshake too :)

Favourite ice cream spot: Avondale Dairy Bar. I always get soft yogurt ice cream with whatever fresh fruit is in season. Delish.

Favourite food truck: El Gastronomo. Love the fish tacos.

I gotta brag for a second and say that I'm also dying to check out Ravine Vineyard restaurant in St. David's as my brother, Drew (a.k.a. "the chef" to us) just got hired.

All this talk about food is making me super hungry!

Irish Coffee anyone?

Just for fun and because it's St. Patrick's day, I thought I would share some tips on how to make an amazing Irish coffee.

Last fall I was in Bush Mills, Northern Ireland for an unforgettable weekend with my Auntie Tish and my cousin Thomas and his most lovely wife, Barbara. On that weekend Thomas was determined to make me an Irish coffee. My sister, Leah and her husband, Craig had experienced one of his creations the year prior and raved about it. The only problem was that there was a festival of sorts on that particular weekend and the Distillery shop closed early for the day. I'm not even kidding when I tell you that Thomas asked them to open up the distillery for the Canadians (who was really just me - that's right one Canadian) who happened to be visiting and in need of a highly anticipated and previously promised Irish coffee. If you've ever been to Ireland, you'll know that of course they opened up the shop to sell him some whiskey.

So....I'll let you in on some family secrets...:)

You must use the Single Malt Irish Whiskey made at the Bush Mills Distillery.

It's extremely important to steam the glass first - using boiling water. I'm told that this step is crucial :)

First goes in the whiskey and then the coffee.

Top it off with whipped cream that you prepared ahead of time. Let the heat of the coffee cause it to glide off the spoon.

The Finished Product.

Cheers!

This and that. March Break 2014.

Yesterday felt like spring. Our windows were open. Birds were singing. The girls were playing with sidewalk chalk and bikes were out...

Today on the other hand is a snow storm. Plans are cancelled. It's a hot chocolate-and-tea-drinking kind of day... 

Crazy weather for March Break.

March came in like a lion, which means it should go out like a lamb, right? Here's to hoping!

Here's what I'm listening to on repeat these days:

Let it Go (from Frozen)

Oceans (Hillsong United)

Here are a few things I'm meditating on these days:

Matthew 11:28-30  “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (The Message)

1 Peter 5: 6-7 So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. (The Message)

Here's what I'm reading as of late:

I met this author - Rachel Macy Stafford - at her book signing last week at Indigo in Burlington and instantly connected with her.  I'm in the early part of her book and LOVING it.

Eva and I are in a Mother-Daughter book club and our latest book is none other than Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery. Here we are reading it together (although you can barely see her). It's quite possible that I am enjoying the book more than her :)

And lastly, here's what I'm grateful for:

longer days and more sunlight (although you can't see the sun today!)
pussy willows in my vase

sleeping in and no school lunches to make for the week

Because I'm starting to run again and currently training for a 5 km (again), I couldn't resist sharing this post: http://www.sortacrunchy.net/sortacrunchy/2010/06/9-lessons-on-parenting-im-learning-from-running.html

     

Hope you're having a great week! Let's choose thankfulness and be on the lookout for beauty...because so often when we are on the lookout for beauty, we find it...