First day of summer vacation.

As I write this, I am washing the girls backpacks and school lunch bags (no lunches to make for two months!) and putting them away all clean for September. BEST FEELING EVER.

Because Grace will be away over her birthday in July, we celebrated it last night.

Then early this morning, Grace headed up to camp for the summer and getting her out the door meant a week of packing and preparing that was no small task. I am so thrilled for her and for the opportunity that she has to be a Leader In Training this summer. Watching her has taken me back in time to my summers at Ryerson camp on the sandy shores of Lake Erie. Although it was only two months away from home each summer, those days and weeks felt like an eternity. The independence felt exhilarating and freeing. Those summers were such a safe place for me to flex muscles of independence and leadership. It was a coming of age season for me. A place where my faith became rooted and developed wings all at the same time. As the Celtics say, it was a thin place for me - a place where heaven and earth met. Those summers formed me and who I became and am becoming in ways that are hard to put into words. As I have been reflecting on all of that, it feels amazing to launch Grace and let her fly. She is so ready.

I also know more than ever that these years go by all too quickly. This is the first summer that Eva is working and much of the time it will be Beth and I hanging out as buddies, reminiscent of her preschool days while the older girls were at school. With Grace being away all summer and Eva working, I know instinctively and for a fact that these summers will fly by for Beth. In just six summers, she'll be working and the carefree days of summer will be behind her. The days of summer are in many ways the days that made up my childhood memories and what will create the memory pool for my girls to reminisce back on. I'd be lying if I said that these days don't matter. They have massive significance. 

Beth and I have created our yearly summer bucket list which includes activities like biking along the parkway, watching sunsets, writing letters, catching fireflies, picnics, riding the carousel and going to the drive-in. 

This time last year we had sold our house, we were living in a rental and we were building our current house. We were living in utter chaos, feeling unsettled and our lives pretty much revolved around building our house. We hardly saw Steve at all - he spent every spare minute at the house. We would meet him there after he had finished work and bring him his dinner and then he would stay and work there until bedtime. It was super hard on the girls. 

This summer feels VERY different for us. Sure, there are new and different challenges that didn't exist last summer but that's the way life is. 

We are feeling thrilled to BE in the house we spent time planning and building. It feels amazing to have a summer that is loosely structured and slow paced. This summer feels drastically different from last one and It's a gift.

The thing is, I'm a bit out of sorts today - I'm hardly knowing what to do with myself. So many feelings. June has been a tough and tiring month on many levels. Big transitions happening this very day. I'm not going to analyze it too much. I'm easing into summer is all. I guess I'm taking the time I need to unwind and catch my breath.

Every bone in my body and fibre in my being is looking forward to the unhurried days of this summer and the space for creativity, simplicity and reflection. 

Sure I'm still working here and there and have to-do lists and such, but as a whole I'm trading in my shoes for my birks and flip flops. The hair dryer is being tucked away. Summer means pony tails and messy hair. It means starting and ending my day on the front porch. Summer means ice cream and fresh local fruit, no alarm clocks and room for spontaneity. Let's do this! Bring on summer;)

Every season is a gift and every summer begs to be embraced. What will you do with your one wild and precious life this summer?

A letter to the younger verse of myself.

In many ways, June reminds me of the month of December. I always underestimate how busy December is going to be and I often pack way more into it than I should. My friend Alison recently said that her goal for the month of June is to "add nothing new to her calendar". She inspired me and I have recently adopted her goal as my own! It's easier said than done, but margin is of utmost value to me this month and I am trying to slow down and not join the crazy train.

June is the month of year end school trips and pool parties and final report cards and .....graduation -from grade 8, high school or post secondary.

Everyone told me that high school would go by so quickly. A blink and then it's over. Funny, when I think back to being in high school, it didn't feel so much like a blink. 

Next June, Grace graduates from high school and just the thought of it makes me emotional and weepy and reflective. How did the time go by so quickly? Wasn't her grade 8 graduation just last week? How can it be that the little girl who wouldn't leave my side as a toddler is now driving a car? Have I taught her all of the life lessons that she needs to know? 

This same daughter just got her licence this month. Whoa.

If I could go back in time to my high school graduation, there are a few things I would want to tell my younger self. Things like this:

Education is never ever a waste of time and yet you might want to think about what that Arts degree in History will actually do for you. 

Friendships are so important. Take your time and find your people. Choose friends who are safe and trustworthy (life lesson: if they talk about others, they'll talk about you). Find friends who sharpen you and cheer you on. Friends you can be yourself with.

Develop good self care habits. It's an important part of loving yourself well. I know that right now you think self care is selfish but it's not. Get enough sleep, develop a good skin care regime and invest in quality skin care products, wear sunscreen, drink lots of water and wear clothes and colours that you love and feel beautiful in. Your 43 year old self will one day thank you.

You'll make mistakes and that's okay. It just means that you're human. Every day is a fresh start. Don't be too hard on yourself. We grow from failure and it's okay to make mistakes. Don't spend your life trying to avoid making them - you'll miss out on so much. Learn from mistakes and move on. 

Wear a bikini while you're young. You look fantastic. Ignore and silence that inner critical voice inside of you which would tell you otherwise. 

Travel whenever possible. Be teachable. Live with a posture of curiosity. I hate to break it to you, but you don't know everything - not even close. There is so much you don't know yet. Learn from different cultures and be curious about life and about the world. The world is so much bigger and more diverse and amazing than you could ever imagine. Read as much as you can get your hands on.

Let love and not fear be the foundation and the driving force of your life. Fear is a liar anyways.

Avoid the word "should".

You're responsible for you and not for the whole world. Just relax because God is God and you're not. 

Resist molds. You don't need to be copying anyone. The sooner you realize that the world needs you the better. Find your path and be true to you.  

Don't panic, but your beliefs and opinions and even your theology will change and morph and evolve over time and that's a really good thing. It means that you're alive and that you're growing up.

Honour your gut - if you're in a situation or a conversation that feels uncomfortable, get out right away. Your intuition is a gift straight from heaven. Honour it and develop it. Never downplay it.

Don't apologize for your sensitivity. It's what makes you special. The world needs your sensitivity.

Don't play small. Shine bright.

Learn to ask for help (and receive it - so hard, right?) and admit when you are struggling and when you fail. All of it is a sign of strength and not weakness. Don't be a slave to image. Everyone else looks like they have it all together but guess what, they totally don't! You don't know this yet but vulnerability is strength. 

Don't throw out those leg warmers, all those 80's records and denims overalls - they will come back in style one day and you'll be kicking yourself for not having them.

Stay away from people that are extreme in their theology and view of women. Fortunately you never married any of them. Extremism is never a good thing.

When that cute, lanky, tall, dark-haired boy with the baseball cap offers you a ride home from camp training, don't act like such a know it all and give him the cold shoulder. You don't know this yet, but the two of you are going to build the most meaningful life together. His journey and your journey will mesh in some pretty crazy divine ways in the years to come. He will teach you so much and bring out the very best in you. Some of your friends will be so shocked when you become a couple. Little do they know that God was working in his life long before he met you.

Read the bible and go to church and of course youth group, but mostly just learn to let God love you and rest in that love without striving - you don't have to earn His love or prove yourself - just rest in it. Rest deeply. Grow those roots deep, you're going to need them in the future when life feels shaky.

Embrace diversity. Spend time with people who are different from you and believe different things than you do. It will deepen your convictions and teach you empathy and it will enlarge your worldview and perspective. Get out of that bubble and try not to see people that are different from you as a threat. They're a gift.

Embrace your femininity. Don't apologize because you are a girl and because you love fashion and lipstick and heels and such. At the same time, develop your voice. The world needs it.

Say no to lots so that you can say yes to what matters the most to you.

Also - stop being so serious and responsible - have fun!

Recources:

Have any of you heard the song that Tim McGraw wrote for his daughter as she went off to college? Oh my. Have your Kleenex ready. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clcNB_EUao8

And on that topic, If you're looking for a gift for a graduate in your life, I so appreciated and loved this post by Sarah http://sarahbessey.com/books-for-graduates/

Here's what we know to be true after nineteen years...

On Tuesday, Steve and I celebrated 19 years of marriage. Whoa!

Could my hair be any bigger in this photo (please don't answer that question!)?

As I think about marriage and all of the grit that it requires combined with the demands of life and not to mention the complexity of our humanity, there are a couple of keys that have stood out to Steve and I over the years. By no means is this an exhaustive list. It's just simply what's true for Steve. After many ups and downs and lessons learned the hard way and so on, here's what we know to be true:

1. Every day is fresh. Every day you can begin again. Mercies are fresh every morning. Marriages are build day-by-day. When things are hard, take it one step and one day at a time. When we mess up or find ourselves in an abyss, Steve and I use the language, "let's begin again" or "can we begin again?" The answer is always yes.

2. Passion is important but guess what? - so is grit. Grit means hanging in there. Grit means embracing hard work and having tough, honest, uncomfortable conversations and entering into the messy. So much growth and transformation can take place in a marriage and it requires grit. Our experience has been that the more we work through challenges and disappointments and forgiveness and obstacles, the closer we become. This kind has brought Steve and I to a place of intimacy that we knew nothing about 19 years ago.

3. Surround yourself with people who are deeply invested in their marriages and who are cheering you on in your marriage. You need safe and trustworthy individual friends and couple friends. We become like the people we hang out with so hang out with people that you want to emulate. We are the sum of the people we surround ourselves so choose well. The quote that reads "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future" is true in life and equally true in marriage. 

4. When there are gaps, give generous assumptions. Build a default of assuming the best of each other. This is a memory muscle that I had to develop (and if I'm honest, I'm still developing). It's a game changer. Swim in grace. 

5. Be each other's biggest cheerleader. Be in your spouses corner. Make sure your spouse overhears you bragging about them.

6. Flirt with your spouse. Often. It fans the flames and helps you feel connected and young. Laugh often. Have inside jokes. Send lots of texts and bitmojis. I love having special language that just the two of us use - for example I love it when Steve calls me "baby".

7. Don't back your spouse into a corner. Avoid accusations. Set each other up to win and not fail. Enter into conversations with holy curiosity. Help me understand your point of view? If a conversation becomes contemptuous, take a break and walk away immediately. Words have power and last longer than you think and you want to avoid regret when it comes to words. It's always more important to be kind than it is to be right. Choose the relationship and the person over winning an argument. Apologize often. Own your stuff.

8. Create a sense of "home" together. Rootedness, belonging, safety, unconditional love and  forgiveness. HOME. Build a foundation of love and leave a legacy for those in your wake.

9. Sex is amazing and magical AND it gets better over time. Who knew? I had no idea...

To sum it all up: Write your love story together, make memories, be a team and create rhythms that are just yours. 

What have I missed?

Here's to the next 19 years!

Love and limits.

It's Mother's Day weeknend and of course that stirs up all kinds of feelings and emotions and expectations and disappointments and such. It's like navigating your way through a field of emotional land mines in a way, isn't it?

At this very minute, Grace is with a friend and Steve took the other two girls out for a couple of hours to run some errands. I am alone in my house on Saturday afternoon and it just hit me that this is best Mother's Day gift ever (if you are a husband, take note). 

I'm about to sing the hallelujah chorus and then have a nap (BECAUSE MY HOUSE IS SO QUIET ON A SATURDAY AND I'M ALL ALONE), but before I do that some thoughts came to mind.

If you have kids or know kids, then you appreciate that kids need both love and limits. Unconditional love and limits as to what they can and can't get away with. All throughout the ages and stages of parenting this has been true for us. It's always changing and it's always a delicate balance - a walking of a tightrope of sorts. Love and limits. Sometime more love is required and lavishly given and sometimes we're heavier on the limits. Two sides of the same coin of parenting. A delicate dance.

As of late I've been bone-weary tired and feeling burnt out. I've had a lot on my plate and I'm feeling it. It occurred to me this week that I need both love and limits as well. I need to love myself well and out of that love, set some limits. It's different for all of us, but loving myself and honouring my limitations means getting enough sleep, saying no when I can't do something well, asking for help (this is huge), taking time for myself, eating well, exercising and admitting that I'm tired and weary and need to refuel and up my self care. 

If you're a mom, an aunt, a teacher, a mentor or a grandma then this is your weekend.  If you're someone who spends your life pouring it out on behalf of kids then this weekend is for you. May you have permission to care well for yourself. May you be recharged and refuelled. May you drink your tea while it is hot and have a nap and read a few page of your favourite book. May you wear your favourite outfit and write out your best quote and light a candle. May you smell the cherry blossoms and notice a tulip or two and laugh out loud at a child or even at yourself. May you create space this weekend or this week to do something that refuels you. May you love yourself well this weekend. 

May you put yourself to bed early, ask for the help you need and in this season may you give yourself the limits that you need in the name of love. You are worth it and so am I.

Loving yourself is not a selfish act. It's the opposite. It sets you up to love others and to receive love. Self care is a gift you give the world. - Parker Palmer

Happy Mothers Day!

P.s. As an aside, it serves my kids well when they see me caring for myself and honouring my limits :)

Messy trunk.

I'm pretty radical about eliminating clutter. I find it super therapeutic. My family is often frustrated with me for throwing out things that they wanted to keep or for putting away their cups and mugs while they're still drinking from them.

These days I find that so much can happen in the course of a week. In just seven days, much can change. 

On Monday of last week, I found out that the engine on my car was doomed. By Wednesday evening we had picked out another vehicle and on Thursday my car just plain stopped running and had to be towed away.

Steve and our friend Chris woke up early on the morning of Good Friday and using a truck and trailer moved my vehicle from the parking lot to the car dealership. No small task, right? On the day my car broke down, I was living with the assumption that I had the long weekend to clean out my car. Seemed reasonable. What I didn't realize is that Steve and Chris would now have this task as they took the vehicle to the dealership on Friday morning. That was the last time they would see the car. In real time, what that meant was that they would spend a not insignificant amount of time cleaning the junk out of my car and out of my trunk. Last spring, I had placed bags of stuff from our house move into my trunk and had yet to remove them. Turns out my trunk is pretty big. And deep. Did I mention that we have been in our new house for quite some time now? Yikes. Embarrassing to say the least. I can only imagine that the last thing Steve and Chris wanted to be doing on the early morning hours of Good Friday is clean out my boots that needed a new zipper, picture frames, kids artwork, things that needed to be returned to Home Depot, journals, old letters (which included an acceptance letter to Brock University from 20 plus years ago....what the?). If that wasn't bad enough, they hadn't come prepared for such a task. They thought they were moving a vehicle and not a lifetime of stuff, which meant they had no boxes or garbage bags. They were throwing everything in whatever bag they could find only to discover once the trunk was cleaned out that the car keys had fallen into one of the makeshift bags which meant that everything had to be taken out and bags had to be taken apart in order for the keys to be found.

When Steve came home and shared with me this story, I got a lump in my throat and felt my eyes sting. I surprised even myself as I was overcome with shame and began to sob. I'm not entirely sure why but I felt so terrible and embarrassed.

My confession is that I'm a minimalist when it comes to many things and an absolute hoarder when it comes to my car. 

I like simplicity and spaciousness and pride myself on purging and eliminating clutter and yet and all these values fly out the window the second it comes to my vehicle.

I'm the kind of person who likes to appear on the outside like I'm doing okay and yet I have a car full of junk. Junk that I don't want anyone to see. On that Good Friday morning I felt exposed for who I really was.

The message of Good Friday is that the shame and the need to hide is taken care of at the cross of Jesus. It is finished. And the message of Easter Sunday is all grace. Grace triumphs and we can live as loved children in freedom and newness of life and without shame. Easter reminds us that God makes all things new. 

All things new.

It was not at all lost on me that my dead car was towed away on good Friday and that I picked up my new (to me) car on Easter Monday. 

This car to me is a fresh start. Literally and spiritually.

On that Friday morning I made the choice to bury shame and perfectionism and hiding to make room for new life to be born in me. In order for new life to grow, stuff needs to die. I needed to let go of the literal junk and the shame of being a car hoarder. I needed to surrender to love and grace.

This car is to me a gift and a symbol of a fresh start. Letting go of the old car and the trunk full of junk makes room for new experiences and a sense of spaciousness and living a little bit lighter and less weighed down.

The new car is invitation to walk (or drive - haha)  in freedom and grace.

Hers all the stuff that was in my old trunk and now on the floor of my garage waiting to be sorted out:

Here is my new car and my clean trunk:

Yay for new beginnings! So far my car is spotless and I'm hoping to keep it that way ;)

Favourite things. February edition. In photos.

Looking back on February, in no particular order, a few favourites came to mind:

1. Snow camp with my family on Family Day weekend. So much snow and sunshine and family time. Camp Crossroads in Muskoka is a magical place for us.

2. Fresh tulips spontaneously dropped off by a friend. Just because. Made my day and my month, really. 

3. Podcasts.

These days I am all about podcasts. They have become a weekly highlight for me. I literally wait for them on the days they are to be released! Two of my favourites right now are:

Serial, of course. I could go on and on about Serial. Season two is so interesting and I could listen to Sarah Koenig for hours. I just love her voice. Plus she's brilliant and captivating and I feel smarter and sharper just by listening to her. The storytelling in season two creative and fascinating. It's a true story told week by week (actually bi-weekly now). New episodes come out every second Thursday.

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/serial/id917918570?mt=2

Secondly, I am loving the Practice Podcast. It's all about learning the unforced rhythms of grace through contemplation and ancient spiritual practices. The journey through lent (specifically talking about lament) has been nothing short of transformative. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. I can't say enough about this podcast. LOVE. I look forward to new episodes coming out every Tuesday.

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-practice-podcast/id983368875?mt=2

4. Syrian friends.

I wish I had a photo to go with this one. Unfortunately, I don't (yet). Our sponsor family is here from Syria and they are a gift. Just wow. 

5. My nephew, Simon arrived this month and he is pure delight. We are smitten. Plus, his big brother Jack is so funny and reminds me of my sister (his mom) at his age times a million. 

6. Right now, Steve and I have one show that's "our show" and it's called Nashville. Admittedly, it's a bit edgy - but we love country music and the story line has won us over.  If you watch the show Nashville then you can grasp the truth that meeting Deacon, hearing Deacon perform in concert and hugging Deacon was a massive bright spot in my month. My face still hurts from smiling so much. Oh and his name is actually Charles Eston. 

7. Buses were cancelled on the Tuesday after the Family Day weekend and we had a snow day! Sweet!

8. Vision talk. 

Vision day happens twice a year (September and February) at my church and each time it is a total highlight. I've never been prouder to be a leader and a participant in my church community than I am right now. We are on a beautiful and stretching "love beyond belief" journey. So much clarity and momentum wrapped up in this message by my friend Jeff Lockyer.

https://www.facebook.com/southridge/posts/10153960881154776

9. Hello goodbye.

My friend Becky introduced me to this show on CBC. It takes place at the Pearson International Airport. It airs on Friday nights at 8:30 p.m. or you can watch it anytime online (like I do). I've always adored airports. I love people watching at the airport in a way like no other. When I'm travelling, I often find myself wrapped up in the stories of people that I meet. I can't even stop myself from finding out people's life stories. Something about the airport and being on a plane compels me. This show reminds me that everyone has a story and that some of our most meaningful, most emotional and most excruciating moments take place at airports. I love this show and am basically kicking myself that I didn't think of creating it - ha. Have your Kleenex close by! 

10. Mars Bar Squares.

I love Mars bars and have basically waiting my whole life for a dessert that called for 4 actual Mars bars in the recipe. Here it is. It's divine, decant, easy to make and worth waiting for. It takes minutes to make and your people will thank you.

Mars bar squares:

4 Mars bars

1/2 cup butter

Melt for approximately 2 minutes.

Add 3 cups of Rice Krispies.

Mix in 9x9 pan.

Melt 1/4 cup butter with 1 cup of chocolate chips for approximately 2 minutes.

Stir and spread on top.

Enjoy!

11. My husband has been working around the clock to complete our basement project which includes a family room, bathroom and two bedrooms. We (well mostly he) are in the home stretch. It never ceases to amazes me what he can do.

Well, that's a wrap! My life feels exhausting, gritty, messy, full of hurt and heartbreak and uncertainty just like yours does. There's no escaping it, life is hard and beautiful. It seems that we can't have one without the other. The hard stuff makes the beauty dazzle all the more brightly. I'm not sure if my inconsistent once-and-a-while blogging is just for my own sake but here's the thing - sometimes I just need to take stock and remember the bright spots. I just need to savour the sweet stuff. Thanks for entering my world and letting me share. Hope you enjoyed your extra day in the month of February and happy March! We're one step closer to my favourite season - Spring - although  my kids are crossing their fingers for a snow day tomorrow!

Favourite week.

Christmas was busy and crazy and exhausting and now it's the week leading up to the new year is completely different. It's late nights and sleeping in. It's eating leftovers and Christmas cookies and too much chocolate. It's pjs and coffee and baileys before bed. It's watching movies and de-cluttering the house. It's taking down the tree and dreaming about the new year.

It's my favourite week of the year. 

It's also a time of reflection. What went well this year? What am I grateful for? What were some of the themes in my life over 2015? What do I want to bring with me into 2016 and what do I need to let go of and leave in 2015? What do I want to be different in 2016? What are my hopes and dreams and goals for 2016? Who are the people I need to surround myself in order to help shape 2016 - people who will sharpen me and shape me and make me better? What word or words sum up the kind of year I would love 2016 to be? What fears and discomforts do I want to lean into? It's a time to dream big dreams and pray new prayers.

I love these kind of questions. They energize me.

I think what I love most about a new year is the freshness of it all. A chance to begin again. A clean slate. An opportunity to write a new story, a new script. It's full of hope and possibility.

This week reminds me that life is a gift. I think of Mary Oliver's words, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” 

If you're into this kind of stuff like I am, here are some fun links you can check out.

My sister Lauren bought me a five year journal for my birthday earlier this month and I love it. It's a lovely cloth bound journal. Each page has five spaces for the same date over five years, so you can look back and read about what happened on that same date one year ago, two years ago and so on. You can write a few sentences about what you did that day, what you learned that day, what you're grateful for, a quote that spoke to you or whatever you want. http://www.amazon.ca/5-Year-Diary-Black-Cover/dp/0977648133/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451415420&sr=8-1&keywords=five+year+diary

This cloth bound devotional book feels great to hold and its content reads like a breath of fresh air. It's about savouring life and beauty and family and frienships. It's about living abundantly. Shauna's writing reads like you're having coffee with an old friend. Did I mention that she includes recipes in the book? http://www.amazon.ca/Savor-Shauna-Niequist/dp/0310344972/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451415478&sr=1-1&keywords=shauna+niequist

I like this 2016 printable that Ann Voskamp put on her blog:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/12/this-is-the-year-when-new-year-resolutions-feel-hopeless-you-want-some-soulutions-free-printable/ 

Are you familiar with the idea of choosing a word for a new year? Or perhaps letting the word choose you? Ali Edwards explains that in greater detail here: http://aliedwards.com/projects/one-little-word

I'm leaning toward choosing spaciousness as my word for 2016. We'll see...:)

As always, I love Donald Miller's stuff. Check out this amazing PDF download for free: http://storylineblog.com/2015/12/30/start-life-over-reminder/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Donald%20Miller&utm_content=Start%20Life%20Over,%20Reminder

Lastly, one of my New Years goals is to participate in this free class that Brene Brown is offering on trust. Check it out if you're interested:

://www.courageworks.com/shop/classes/the-anatomy-of-trust

Bring on the new year!

Christmas gratitude.

Here we are. It's December 24th. Christmas is most definitely upon us. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year and sometimes if we're honest, it's stressful and chaotic and emotional too - because life is beautiful and complex and messy all wrapped up with a bow. It's hard to tell where one begins and one ends. Right?

This morning, I took a moment to breathe a little deeper and jot down a few things I'm grateful for. Sometimes I need to just put pen to paper and remind myself of what's true. It does me a world of good.

Here's Eva reading on the front porch just an hour ago. In December. Wild. Hello 13 degrees.

Christmas baking from this past Monday. Hence the shortbread I was eating :)

When we took this family photo, our photographer suggested a spot up the hill from our home where the light was amazing at 6 pm on a Wednesday in October. She said, "let's go chase the light". That's just what we did and I love the photos because of the light streaming in.  Within moments of the photos being taken, darkness set in. It was a golden moment indeed.

Lately, that phrase, "let's go chase the light" has come back to me.

I thought of it again today as I read from Isaiah 9 (MSG):

The people who walked in darkness
    have seen a great light.
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows—
    light! sunbursts of light!

For a child has been born—for us!
    the gift of a son—for us!
He’ll take over
    the running of the world.
His names will be: Amazing Counselor,
    Strong God,
Eternal Father,
    Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
    and there’ll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.

As I took a few moments of silence this morning, I said yes to the light. Yes to Jesus, the Christ Child and all that he wants to bring into my life. Yes to wholeness and peace. Yes to grace. My hands and heart are open.

But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.Luke 2:10-11 (NIV)

Out of the blue, I remembered this morning that my Dad's all time favourite Christmas Carol is "Once in Royal David's City". For some reason it touched me and made me feel all childlike and nostalgic. In the spirit of isn't that what Christmas is all about? I'll share it here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NMGMV-fujUY

Merry Christmas friends! May you swim in grace and rest in love. May you chase the light this holiday season xo

Advent.

Here we are in the season of advent. I'm  beyond thrilled with this advent wreath that Steve helped me make. It might just be my favourite gift this year.

I grew up in a faith tradition that celebrated advent. I admit that for so many years I never appreciated it and drifted from the meaning and the liturgy of it all.

In a full circle kind of way, I have found myself longing for and being drawn back to this simple, childlike and yet deep and meaningful ritual.

A few decades later, a little life experience and I totally get it.

Advent is waiting. 

Advent is all about the waiting and the unknown and the in-between. I get it. I live much of my life in this place, so it seems. You probably do too.

I'm not sure what you are waiting on this advent season. What we are waiting for is as individual and as complex as we are. Maybe it's a child to be born, a house to sell or a refugee family arriving from Syria. Maybe it's test results or the restoration of a relationship. We all long for healing and peace in our lives and in the parts of the world most torn up by war and afflicted by injustice. We all ache for wrong to be made right.

When I think about advent, I am reminded and take back to days when I was 9 months pregnant. I think about the waiting. The ache. The anticipation. The weariness. The discomfort. The sleepless nights. The not yet. The almost. The unknown.

Eight days ago our family of five lit the candle of hope. My teens kind of rolled their eyes as teens sometimes do.

As the day grew shorter and the night became darker, the candle burned brighter. Yesterday we lit the candle of peace.

I'm standing with all of you who are in the waiting today, because I too am in the waiting. In some parts of my life, I feel uncertain and uneasy. Not sure of what is next. Facing fear and anxiety head on.

I'm trusting in the message of Christmas. Trusting in the message of Emmanuel. That God is with us - in the waiting and in the darkness. In the not yet. In the unknown. 

This advent season, may we seek and find Emmanuel in the most unexpected places.

May we welcome Him in to the waiting, the unknown and the not-yet. May we find meaning in the mess and beauty rising up from the ashes. 

May we lean in and find Him in the darkness. In the mystery. In the unknown. In the unexpected places and ways that He loves to show up the most.

May His love and grace abound. May His light shine all the brighter in the darkest of nights.

O come O come Emmanuel.

Better together.

Two years ago my husband couldn't run.

Not at all.

Steve was determined to get in shape. So, he began by shuffling around our small 1 km block.

It was all about baby steps.

Little by little. Week by week. Month by month.

One of the first times he attempted a longer run (he decided to go uphill -whaaaat?) and he came back practically hyperventilating and it took him over an hour to began breathing properly.

The girls were like, "Is Dad okay?" "Should he be doing this?"

Even still, I watched him put on his running gear and get out there and pound the pavement week after week. 

It sure as heck wasn't overnight but all of a sudden, so it seemed, he became a runner.

That first winter he ran through was cold, icy and frigid. This past winter was the one we'll always remember as the polar vortex.

It all came down to commitment, grit and perseverance.

Before he knew it, he had lost 35 pounds and got into the best shape of his life. At 40. 

In his second year of running, our friend Tim who's also a runner joined up with him and told him, "if you can run 5 km, you can run 10 km".

Before he knew it, he was running 10 km alongside Tim.

When they got to 10 km, another friend Corbin joined them.

This time Tim said, "if you guys  can run 10 km, you can run a half marathon."

In what felt like no time, the three of them were training for and signed up for a half marathon. 

Wild.

The day of the half marathon came. It was September 27th and it was a beautiful fall day. 
Spectacular. Sunny. Bluest of skies.  Golden.  Crisp. 

The race was through the country roads at the bottom of the Niagara escarpment - roads were lined with corn fields and grape vines. A feast for all of the senses.

There were also two massive hills.

At  the 16 /17 km mark, Steve broke down. His knee was killing him. He didn't know if he could go on. The three of them started to walk.

It didn't take long until Steve told Corbin and Tim to keep going. He didn't want to hold them back. Tim and Corbin ran ahead and Steve slowly began to run, albeit it a ways behind them.

Then the unthinkable happened, Tim turned back.

Corbin's wife had been induced that morning (he was about to become a dad for the fourth time) and naturally he keep going. He needed to finish the race and get to his phone and see if there were any updates :)

Tim came back to Steve.  "We trained together and we'll finish together."

I saw Steve at the 16/17 km  mark and knew firsthand how much he was hurting and struggling. So when I saw him and Tim crossing the finish life stride in stride, I could have cried.

Finishing together. Isn't that true for all of life? We need each other, right?

Life is better together.

Better in teams. Friendship and community is what makes life rich and sweet and sometimes even bearable.

Those very words gave Steve the push and the confidence to finish what felt like impossible.

As I sat with my small group last week, I was reminded of this and thankful for honesty and safety in friendships and thankful that we don't have to do this life alone. We are made for connection. We are made to be known.

There is an African proverb which says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go further, go together"

Here's the first time we saw them - around the 5 or 6 km mark.

The travelling cheering squad.

Coming across the finish line.

The three amigos:

So proud of this guy. Look at his smile - sign of pure contentment.

P.S. Corbin's wife Julia had a beautiful baby girl later that evening. The guys still had time to grab some pizza and wings and celebrate a bit. Quite a day for Corbin. It's not everyday that you run a half marathon and have a baby. Whoa.

A few of my favourite things (September edition).

I'm not the biggest fan of fall.

I hate pumpkin spice lattes. I can't bear the thought of packing up sandals and flip flops. I dread the idea of the days getting shorter. It's always hard for me to let go of summer.

However, the colours are spectacular, I am looking forward to getting my boots out and I have my eye on a poncho for fall (adorbs). Plus, there is something about the back-to-school-routine that is quite heavenly.

As September comes to a close, a few things have stood put to me as favourites.

So just for fun and because I'm on the lookout for beauty and goodness, here we go.
September favourites:

• my girls playing basketball and riding bikes on our dead end street.

• Getting settled into our new home. After the craziness of the build, I am loving being in our house and now I have become a total homebody and never want to leave! It's aura is bright and simple. It whispers to me of a fresh beginning. There's very little clutter (I'm hoping to keep it that way!). It's an invitation to simplify and surround myself with that which gives me joy. 

• My stove top coffee pot. It cost me $14.99 at Home Sense and now I make myself lattes every morning. So spoiled. I feel so European :)

• Birkenstocks. I know, I'm quite late to the game. I just got my first ever pair in May. Now there's no going back. LOVE. Here's a photo of Grace and I in NYC earlier this month. They were the only shoes we brought and we wore them non-stop. They were life savers. We walked everywhere!

• 

• Chat Books. If you're on Instagram, this is a free app that you download and it turns your Instagram photos into books. Each book contains 60 photos. Get this - each book is only $8 (which includes shipping). I love it because it's an instant photo album (and truthfully, I'm terrible at making photo albums and scrapbooking and all that). If you decide to subscribe, use this code and you get your first book for free: 69GLLPNK

• I've started using Norwex  enviro cloths to clean my bath tubs and shower and I'm in love. My sister-in-law Kristal is a distributor. Feel free to email her if you need anything: daveandkristal@gmail.com :)

• These pumpkin-nutella-cookie-bars are pretty much to die for. 

• These days, I'm loving my new kitchen. It's easy to find my way around, it's way less cluttered and I'm baking more than ever. My family is in shock and hoping it lasts. On Monday, my friend Sandra brought these pumpkin muffins to the library while our kids were in their after school program and they were amazing. I'm pretty sure that the sprinkled brown sugar on top is the secret touch. They're so easy to make too!    

 Pumpkin Muffins:

4 eggs
2 c. white sugar
1 1/2 c. oil
1 3/4 c. pumpkin
3 c. flour
1 tbsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2 cups raisins or chocolate chips (I use chocolate chips - obviously!)

Beat eggs and sugar.  Add oil and pumpkin.  Beat thoroughly.  Add dry ingredients and mix until smooth.  Add in raisins or chocolate chips. Pour into muffin cups (2/3 full)
Sprinkle tops with brown sugar.  Bake at 375 for 15 min or until toothpick interested comes out clean.

• Lastly, this will come as no surprise - I am loving and savouring and my world is being rocked my Brene Brown's latest book Rising Strong. I'm only a third of the way into the book and already learning so much. 

How about you? What are your September favourites?